To Love What One Fears
by lycoris413
Summary: AU 80 years after Alice's death, the Cullens return to Forks. A girl, whose biggest fear is vampires, moves to town a year later, running from nightmares of her father's murder 8 years ago. She and Jasper can't deny the pull they feel for each other.
1. 1 Nightmare

To Love What One Fears — Chapter One: Nightmare

AU- 160 years in the future, but I'm not creative enough to make it way different, so don't expect flying cars, 'cause you won't find them here. Also, the vamps don't sparkle, just saying.

--Lucille--

A small girl sat at the edge of a river with her father. They talked idly while they barely watched their fishing poles. They both knew there were probably no fish in the water, but old-fashioned fishing during the summer was a tradition of theirs.

The woods around them started to grow dark and they looked around wildly. The girl screamed as a woman jumped out of nowhere and attacked her father, biting into his skin. She began running down the river bank, trying to distance herself from the monster.

She screamed again as the woman jumped in front of her. The blond beast had blood running from her mouth and her dark red eyes gleamed in the downcast forest air. The girl backed away, slipping in to the flowing, ice cold water. She flailed in the water trying to keep her head above the surface. She felt a hand colder than the water pull her up by the wrist. The devil woman licked her teeth as she readied herself for her next victim.

"Now is not the time, Delilah," a cold, bodiless male voice whispered.

I shot up in my bed, screaming, the male's words ringing loudly in my head. It was just a nightmare, the same nightmare I'd been having for eight years. It was my father's death, well, murder. It happed right before my eyes, and it almost happened to me.

Vampire.

A taboo word in this house, and basically the entire town. Why? Because everyone thought I was obsessed with them. But I wasn't, I was deathly afraid of them.

Vampire.

Something that many psychologists and psychiatrists failed in trying to convince me didn't exist.

Vampire.

The creature that had killed my father. The creature I knew to be real and no one believed me. I was a freak who had been traumatized as a child because an animal of some sort attacked my father right before my eyes. That's what everyone thought. Everyone, but my brother and some of his friends, they were the only ones that believed me.

Vampire.

My worst nightmare. My nightmare that walked among us; hiding in the shadows, watching with bright red eyes, waiting to attack its next unsuspecting victim. My biggest fear that was the cause of all of my other fears. My fear of being out after dark. My fear of shadows. My fear of the dark. My fear of my dreams.

Vampire.

The thing that haunted my every night in my sleep.

My mother thinks that my nightmares are caused by all the memories that surround my here. This is the reason she has decided to relocate us after my brother leaves for college. She may not have done it if it weren't for the fact that the hospital she currently works at is helping a sister hospital on the other side of the country by providing them with newer technology in child health care. My mother offered to transfer to the sister hospital and train the doctors there about how to use the equipment and also become a pediatrician there.

There is a flaw in her plan though. The hospital she is transferring to is in Forks, Washington. Though the old fashioned, little town is perfect for my tastes, it is also the rainiest place I know of. The downcast weather is not a good thing in my opinion. I like the sun, it protects me. We live in Texas, for Pete's sake. But her mind is set so we leave in… I looked at my digital alarm clock slash calendar. 4:30 a.m., July 11, 2170. Ten days. Coeur, my brother, would be leaving in three days, and seven days after that I would be well on my way to Washington.

My door opened, and my brother's dirty blond head popped through, "Lucille? You okay? Was it that nightmare again?"

"Yeah, Coeur, it was. But I'm fine, go back to bed."

--Jasper—

(This is a year before Lucille's part)

I glared at the other vampires and the werewolf in the room. My family wanted to move. We had been staying in a secluded house in the middle of nowhere Europe for about sixty years. Yeah, that's a long time since we don't age, but there no human population for miles around here. None of them even come around here to hike or camp, but those activities are so old school now anyways.

I was happy here. I had no opportunities for remembering hurtful memories. Everywhere else we went we had either already stayed there, or it would remind me of her somehow.

Alice.

She had been my only reason to live for so long.

Alice.

My mate, my love, my existence. She was killed by a nomadic vampire around eighty years ago, right before we came here. Delilah was the name of the she vamp that killed her.

Alice.

Why am I still here? Why do I still exist? Because the Volturi are gone? Because my family wouldn't help me? No, I don't think that's it. Maybe it's because I want to go on for you. Maybe I exist in your memory. But if that's the reason, why do I not want to move to a place that will remind me of you?

Alice.

It's sadistically ironic how the only person who may be able to help me past your death is you.

Alice.

My reason-

"Jasper," Edward cut off my thoughts that he could hear, "I know how you feel, trust me, but this is a good thing."

"Why? We don't have to hide or worry here. Why do we need to be around humans?"

"It's good for some of those in our group, like Jacob, Carlisle, Renesmee, Bella; it's a good idea to stay acquainted with human contact so we don't accidentally…"

Edward stopped talking as I winced at what he was saying. I had accidentally snapped after Alice…

"Sorry, Jasper," he whispered.

"Whatever," I replied. "So where do you all want to move to?"

"Forks," Bella answered from beside Edward. "We agreed on it while you were hunting."

Great, they decided without me to force me onto the idea. "Fine, when do we leave?"

--end chapter--

So this was a short introduction chapter, but I hope those who make my day by reading and reviewing (and those who don't) liked it! I don't koow when the next chapter will be published, I have lots going on, but I'll try to make it soon.


	2. 2 Sanctuary

To Love What One Fears — Chapter Two Sanctuary

I do not own Twilight or anything about the saga.

**--Lucille--**

My brother and I peacefully traveled down the road to our secret hideout, as he liked to call it, on our horses. We were heading for the only place I know of that I feel completely safe in, alone or not. My sanctuary.

It was an incredibly old plantation house nestled in the middle of nowhere. When I was really little, my father discovered it and it became a father/daughter/son project to restore the abandoned building to its former glory. Coeur and I continued the job after he passed away and it had been complete for about three years. The paintings and books were in a surprisingly good condition and didn't need much work.

My favorite room was the library. I had read every book in there by the time I was ten. My favorite thing in there is a large bookshelf filled with journals written by the house's last owners who had happened to live there during the Civil War.

Most of the journals were written by the oldest son. They started from when he had just turned thirteen to when he snuck off to become part of the Confederate Army. Unfortunately, they ended there. The journals written by others in his family said that he had died in the war, the first and last word they heard of their loved one since he left.

Being a history nerd, I wished to read about how it was in the army itself. The son was great at describing exactly how life was like at the time. He seemed like a great guy, a gentleman, if you will. Too bad guys like him don't exist anymore.

Okay, you got me, if he was alive today (you know, if he had been born during this time and was exactly the same) I would be in love with him. He's like the fairytale knight I'll never have. Maybe I'm in love with him even if he is dead, wow, that sounds sick. But what can I do? Right?

The portrait hanging in the library was of him. It had been the most preserved painting of them all. He had blond locks of a honey shade and dark blue eyes, he was beautiful, or handsome, or whatever adjective you wanted to use. I do love him, but I can't. He's dead, long dead, and so are the others that would have had his personality.

When we got there, Coeur and I got off our horses and took them to the stable we had set up for them. "We won't be too long, Tarius," I whispered to my pinto.

"The strange names you give your animals," Coeur said. I stuck my tongue out at him before heading for the house.

I ran through the entryway and up the elegant stairway to the library with Coeur trying to keep up with me. The room was as I left it: most of the books stored neatly in their place on the self or piled high on the desk with bookmarks holding my place in the story. In the tall bookshelf on the back wall were the journals. I walked over to it and pulled out a few of my favorites. This includes all five and a half of the journals written by the boy I mentioned before.

"What are those for?" Coeur asked.

"I'm taking them with me."

"Haven't you read them enough to know them by heart?"

"I won't be able to come here again for a while."

"So you're going to take them? Why not all of them?"

"These are the most informational. And I can't take all of them; I don't know how much space I'll have in my new room."

Coeur shook his head as he picked up a large book from one of the shelves. "Fine, but I get this book."

"Okay." I looked around the room, making sure I didn't forget anything. I opened a desk drawer and pulled out a picture. I slipped the picture into one of the journals and exited the room to look around the rest of the house one last time.

**--Jasper--**

(Same time as Lucille now.)

I sat down in one of the chairs. Carlisle was out with Esme and the rest of the family was basically lazing around the house. Yep. _This_ was the human life they were so desperate to return to a year ago.

"Come on, Jasper," Edward said, hearing my thoughts, "there's only two days until the first day of school, we're supposed to relax."

"Right, I forgot," I mumbled. "Edward, did you forget your promise?"

"Promise?"

"About your mind-reading."

"Right." He cleared his throat dramatically and began to mimic my voice, "'Try to resist reading people's thoughts without their consent. Only comment on people's thoughts if they know about your power and the thoughts are directed to you. Otherwise, ignore them and mention them to no one.' I got it."

"Then go by it, please."

"Look, Jasper," Emmet said as he stepped in front of me, "you need to quit acting like an ass to everyone, it's not cool."

Jacob and Renesmee stepped into the room as he said this. Jacob looked at him, "He as all the right in the world to be an ass. Yeah, it's fucking annoying, but he can be the biggest ass in the world if he wants."

I wasn't sure if he was trying to help me or not, but I ignored it anyways.

"Announcement guys," Renesmee said as she stood before the entire group. "So you all know that school starts in two days, right? Well, for incoming freshmen, like me, we have to go tomorrow to be shown about the school by an upperclassman. I need someone to drive me."

"We have plans," Bella, Edward, Rosalie, and Emmet chorused.

"Guys, Carlisle has to work and Esme will be busy with her job as well. Jacob is even working tomorrow. One of you has to drive me."

"Well," Edward said, mediating, "we all have plans. Jasper will have to drive you."

All eyes turned to me. "Fine. I need to check my schedule to make sure they changed it anyway."

"Thank you!" Renesmee hugged me and ran back up to her room to begin picking out clothes for the next two days from the monstrous collection of hers that could rival Alice's… Or the one she used to have.

**--Lucille--**

I can't believe how fast time passes. It's already two days before school. Although I'd had enough time to unpack, I'd only managed to get the books, and journals, onto the shelves of the bookshelf and a few outfits into my closet.

I rummaged through another box of clothes to find something for tomorrow. Apparently, at my new school, the freshmen go the day before school to get a feel of the building and where their classes were. Now I, although I'm a sophomore, am going too because I'm new.

Well, it was sort of a smart idea, but I wanted one more day to sleep in. For reasons unknown to me, mom's idea that the nightmares might stop when we moved here was, for the most part, right. I've had more good nights of sleep here in Forks than I had had in eight years in Texas.

Although it's rained every day since we got here, Forks might be good for me. What's the likelihood of vampires living in Forks anyways? Right?

--End Chapter--

Thanks for reading! Please review!!


	3. 3 Meeting

**To Love What Ones Fears—Chapter Three: Meeting**

**--Lucille--**

"Have a nice day," my mom said as she drove away, leaving me alone at the new school. It was much smaller than my old school, but I liked that. It was made out of brick, a style too old to even be called 'retro'.

I walked into the school, heading for the counselor's office. When I called the school yester day, it was the counselor who answered and said to talk to her today about my 'upperclassman guide'.

"Um, hello?" I said softly as I entered the room. A desk was perfectly centered in the room. The entire room was incredibly tidy and clean. Obviously, everything had a place, and everything was in their place. Or else.

"Yes, you must be the new student. I'm Ms. O'Neill," a short, blond woman standing behind the desk said. "Unfortunately, all the guides already have at least two freshman assigned to them. I'll just have to find one…" She trailed off as a boy walked into the room next to me. Ms. O'Neill looked at the boy, then said to me, "Why don't you wait in the hall, I need to go through the list of guides anyway."

I nodded and left the room, not taking a single glance at the boy. I heard him say, "I would like to check my schedule, please," as I stood outside the room by the door.

**--Jasper--**

Ms. O'Neill let me look at my schedule. When I was satisfied with it, I thanked her and turned to leave. But she stopped me before I had a chance to take a step. "Could you do something for me?"

"What?" I asked pleasantly.

"I need an upperclassman to take that girl out there around the school. Could you do it? I ran out of guides."

I sighed, I really didn't want to be stuck here, but I'd need to pick Renesmee up anyway if I left so… "Of course."

"Oh, thank you, I have so much to do, this saves so much time."

I left the room and turned to the girl standing by the door. She was only a few inches shorter than me. Her long, dark brown hair was pulled back, twisted, and held in place by a large clip. The hairstyle also included bangs that fell just above bright green eyes. Her skin was slightly tanned and her almost rosy cheeks were freckled, making her look like an adorable five-year-old.

"I'll be your guide… um?"

"Lucille Chevalier," she finished for me, looking at me for the first time. As her eyes found my face, various emotions passed from her to me. First was something almost happy, then a good bit of surprise and confusion. She looked at my skin then my eyes. More confusion.

And fear. Lots and lots of fear.

"I'm Jasper Hale." My name seemed to only cause more confusion and fear. Her fear was actually starting to hurt. Rather painfully. "So, what are your classes?" I asked, attempting to use my ability to calm her down. It didn't work well enough for my taste.

She handed me her schedule. I scanned it, quickly seeing that all her core classes were advanced, and that she was taking two history classes. "Looks like you're smart and like history."

"I try to stay ahead in my classes, education is important and I don't like history, I love it," she responded, relaxing a little under the influence of my power.

"Really?" I asked as I led her down the hall to the room in which the two history classes she was taking were in.

"Yep," she answered, still slightly wary of me.

**--Lucille--**

"You'll be in here for your first and second blocks. Actually, I'll be in your second block," Jasper told me.

I couldn't look him. The boy who looked so much like the boy in the picture nestled in a journal at home. The picture of a boy who had died during the Civil War. The Civil War that had happened almost five centuries ago. How could he look exactly the same? Except for those strange eyes. . .

"American history is a good subject, but I hear Mr. Fletcher concentrates mostly on the Civil War," the boy continued.

"Is that a bad thing?" I asked, my interest peaked at the mention of my favorite subject.

"Well, no, I guess not. It's just such a dark spot in America's past."

"So?"

"It's just not the most… fun subject."

"On the contrary, it's my favorite."

"_Really_?"

"Yes. It may be a dark spot, one of the darkest, but it was also one of the most important. What would this country be without it?"

"That is a valid point."

"But the time period itself is interesting. How people lived was just so different," I said dreamily.

"It was," he said as if he knew for himself.

I squinted at the ground then at him, finally looking at him. "Could you imagine though?"

"What?"

"At the time, the men joined the army, it was how things were. Could you imagine, a boy running off to join the army, before he was even old enough, and his family never hearing from him again?"

He grimaced, "I can imagine it."

I felt the panic raise within my again as I looked at his face. Why does he look like him? Why does he have the same name? Jasper. That was my journal boy's name. Jasper Whitlock. But the guy in front of me was… Jasper Hale?

"Why don't we go to your next classroom?" he asked, interrupting my thoughts.

"Sure."

**--Jasper--**

I sighed; it had been a long day. As I got out of the car, Renesmee still hadn't shut up about her day, but I wasn't really listening with all of my concentration.

Today had literally been painful. I've never met a girl with such strong feelings. Also a girl with such strange feelings. She had talked calmly with me, caught up in the history that fascinated her, but at the same time, not matter what she was feeling, there was always an undertone of strong fear. It's the fear that hurts. It crashes against my senses like it's trying to push me down.

There was something about this Lucille that was different. She wasn't a vampire, but she almost smelled like one. At least, her scent wasn't appetizing like most humans, but not animal. It was… Strange.

"Have a fun day, Jasper?" Edward asked, looking amused as I walked into the house. I glared at him. He was forgetting the rules again. "Yeah I know, sorry. But did it really hurt that much?"

"You tell me," I said while thinking about the intense fear and the pain that went with it from the first time she looked at me.

"Ow, ow, ok! I get it! It did hurt. Why was she so afraid?"

"How should I know?"

"Did you do something scary?"

I don't think I did. "No. I just introduced myself."

"Well, you have been a bit irritated at everything lately," Emmet piped in.

"I know, I know, I'm an ass. Anything else?"

Emmett opened his mouth to answer the question but stopped as the entire group, minus Rosalie of course, glared at him for a second.

"So who is this girl?" Bella asked.

"Her name's Lucille, she's just some new student."

"With fear issues," Edward added.

"You got roped into guiding her, didn't you?" Bella questioned knowingly.

"Yep."

"Well, at least this means you've talked to someone besides us or school staff. That's a first since moving here."

"Maybe Jasper's made a friend!" Renesmee commented, smiling. I rolled my eyes. I miss the days when she hardly talked other than through her power.

**--Lucille--**

Mom dropped me off at our house before returning to the hospital. I ran up the stairs and into my room. I rushed to the bookshelf and pulled out the journal from 1856, retrieving the old, worn photo from it.

I analyzed the Whitlock boy's features. Chiseled face; deep, dark blue eyes; honey-colored hair. His charisma dripped from the picture. The scroll on the back dated it 1859.

The Hale boy looks exactly the same, there's no way of mistaking that. And he had reacted when I mentioned a boy running to join the war and his family only hearing that he had died after that. Or did he?

No. I'm not starting this paranoia. There aren't vampires in Forks. His looks are just a coincidence. Besides, his eyes aren't red. And if there's something I know, it's that vampires have red eyes. Or maybe that was just Delilah?

People are right, I am insane. There's only one person to turn to, and she confirms that I'm insane.

**--end chapter--**

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	4. 4 Schooled

**To Love What One Fear—Chapter Four: Schooled**

**--Lucille-- **

I curled up on my bed, trying to fall asleep. It was the only way to truly talk to her. My psychic mentor. Apparently, all psychics are somewhat reincarnated from previous psychics. I say somewhat, because really their spirit is just staying within you as well as your spirit. These spirits are supposed to help you with your powers. And they're the reason why most psychics are thought to be insane.

"You're psychic?" you ask? Why yes, I am. Not the cool kind that can see the future, or move objects with their mind, but the one that can _control_ your mind with mine. That sound wrong to anyone else? I hate it. Mostly because it works by making eye contact with someone and telling them to do something, at least that's the extent of it now. I'm a direct person, I like eye contact, but now it just means I can take away your free will, and I _don't_ like that.

As I drifted into my dream world, I began to feel her presence. I emerged out of the trees that represented the waking world and entered the large, flower-laden meadow that our supernatural meetings seemed to always take place. She sat peacefully in the middle; her legs stretched out in front of her and she leaned on her palms. She turned her face to me, making her short, pixie-style, brown hair bounce around her head. "Hi Luci," she greeted me, standing up.

"Alice, how do you have so much energy?"

"I don't know. Pretty good for someone who's dead, right?"

I shook my head, "Right."

"What's wrong?" she asked her brown eyes gleaming with worry.

"You know what's wrong, you were there."

"Well, I just thought that it'd be good to talk about it, but fine."

"What's there to talk about? Can we just get to the power stuff?"

"You don't need help with powers," she stated adamantly, "you need help with boys."

"What!" I exclaimed, my voice rising about an octave. It still didn't compare to the light tinkling of Alice's voice.

"So, _do_ you think Jasper's a vampire?"

"Well, yes, maybe, I don't know. His eyes are wrong."

"Well then, based on your knowledge, he's not a vampire, because his eyes aren't the right color."

"But maybe the red eyes were just Delilah?"

"Look, if you really want to know, why don't you ask him?"

"Oh, that's a grand idea. I'll just walk up to him and go, 'Hey, Jasper, if you don't mind, are you a vampire?' Yep, that'd work," I replied, my voice doused with sarcasm.

"Not that directly. More subtlety."

"How?"

"I don't know. I'm just trying to help. What, do I have to do all of your thinking now?"

"No. If I started thinking like you this whole thing would turn into some romantic tragedy."

"It wouldn't have to be a tragedy."

"Alice."

"Kidding. You'd never be romantic with him. I mean, he just looks and acts exactly like the boy you've been in love with since you were, oh, _five_."

I glared and she laughed. She almost acted like she was hiding something.

"But I'm not," she said. Right, she's in my head, she hears what I think. "Exactly. But you don't know what I'm thinking."

Well, at least it's just Alice; I'd hate it if anyone else could hear my thoughts. She didn't comment, just blinked.

**--Jasper--**

I climbed into the backseat of the car that Rosalie was driving. Edward, Bella, Renesmee, and Jacob were in the other car. I looked at the seat next to me.

Empty.

I got the same feeling I had gotten every school day last year, that sickening feeling that someone was supposed to be sitting there. That the seat was unnaturally void of a body. Vacant of something to exist for. Alice was supposed to be there.

But she wasn't.

I hate mornings.

**--Lucille--**

I hurried into the school building, running from the horrid rain. If only for one day, just one day, it could be sunny and not overcast, I would be just a little bit happier.

I found my way to the locker whose number was typed onto my schedule and analyzed the small screen, lettered keypad, and finger scanner on the door. The screen told me to press my right pointer finger on the scanner, so I did. After it confirmed that I was who it was assigned to it asked me to type in the password I wanted to use for the semester. I followed the rest of the instructions and finally was given access to my locker. I shoved a few bound books and note books into it and pulled out the preferred digital ones that the school provided for you.

I preferred the old-fashioned way of reading and writing, but now everything was digital. The Digi-textbook worked by typing in a code for the textbook assigned to you by the teacher. Then you could carry all your classes' books in one small device. The Digi-note worked like a bound notebook, but you used a stylus on a touch screen pad or just typed in your notes. Then they were stored neatly into folders for each class. Simple, I know, but I still liked to turn the pages of books, or perfect my handwriting in a bound journal.

I headed for my first block registering that in second block Jasper was going to be in my class. I chose a seat near the front, pegging him as a 'back of the classroom' type.

First block droned on as Mr. Fletcher gave us the code for our textbook and told us what we were going to be doing during the semester. I was glad he didn't assign seats; it meant that I could keep my seat for the next class.

The bell rand and I watched the other kids file out of the room while I stayed firmly in my seat. Jasper was one of the first people to enter the classroom and picked a seat in the back like I predicted. The next person who entered the classroom was a tall blond with pale purple eyes. I recognized her as my longtime pen pal.

A few years ago, my school joined a 'across the nation pen pal' organization. The students from schools that joined wrote letters back and forth to other students from schools that joined. Ironically, I was paired with a girl from Forks High School, Lorna Lochlan.

When she saw me she smiled, "Luci!" She came over and hugged me quickly before taking the seat next to mine. "I was beginning to think you weren't actually going to come."

"Why?" I asked, laughing at her energy. It seems slightly familiar.

"Because, you were all, 'oh, Forks, the town's so depressing. Forks, why is it always raining? Forks, I don't want to be here,'" she replied dramatically.

I laughed at her again, "Well, why does it always have to rain here?"

**--Jasper--**

I listened unwillingly to the conversation happening quietly in the front of the classroom between Lucille and Lorna.

"I'm so sorry it can't be 100% sunny like your precious Texas," Lorna said.

Texas? Lucille was from Texas?

"It wasn't 100% sunny, but better than your dear 100% rainy Forks," Lucille responded. Lorna made a pouty face and both girls started laughing. I wonder how they know each other.

The other kids settled in their seats as the bell rang.

The rest of the morning was uneventful, and I found that lunch came quicker than usual. As I took my seat at what the other students called the "Cullens' Table" I noticed that the new girl was attracting attention.

"Some things never change," Bella stated to my left.

I looked back at the commotion. I can't believe I couldn't tell that Lucille was from Texas, her look practically screamed 'southern belle.' The clothes were dated, but she made them look like they'd never gone out of fashion. The look was feminine and consisted of pale colors. She completed the look with small pearl earrings and an almost familiar-looking cameo pendent hanging delicately around her neck.

Lucille and Lorna took their seats at a table near the center of the room. Lucille was handling the attention better than Bella had. She happily talked to everyone who approached her before returning her attention to her friend.

Once again, my excellent hearing picked up their conversation.

"So, who was your guide?" Lorna asked Lucille.

"Jasper Hale," Lucille replied without emotion.

"Really?"

"Yeah, that special?"

"Did he talk to you?"

"Yeah, so?"

"He doesn't talk to _anyone_. He hardly even talks to his family." Lorna glanced over at me and I was glad that I hadn't been looking at them. "You are special."

"Not really. He _had_ to talk to me. He was my guide."

"Well, did you guys talk about anything other than where your classes were?"

"Well, we did start talking about the Civil War."

"Only you would be able to have a conversation about history," Lorna sighed, "but at least it _was_ a conversation."

"Is this supposed to be interesting?"

"Come on, you had a conversation with the only available Cullen."

"His last name's Hale."

"Yes, but he's a Cullen. You do remember the Cullens from my letters, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, the adoptive group of kids actually has, collectively, four different last names."

"With you so far."

"There are the Cullen brothers, Edward and Emmett; the Swan sisters, Bella and Renesmee, Jacob Black; and the Hale twins, Rosalie and Jasper. Got it?"

"Got it."

"Edward is with Bella, Emmett's with Rosalie, Jacob's with Renesmee, and then there's Jasper, alone."

So that's how people see me? Great.

"This is very interesting, but what does it matter?"

"Come on."

"What?"

"He _talked_ to you," Lorna stated. Lucille didn't reply. "Something he hasn't done with anyone else."

"If you are saying what I think you're saying, you're wrong. He was merely forced into a situation that required him to be pleasant. That means talk."

Lucille was right about Lorna being wrong. I was just trying to get her to be less painfully afraid of me.

But to a slight extent, the new girl did intrigue me.

**--End Chapter--**


	5. 5 Project

**To Love What One Fears—Chapter Five: Project**

Before I start, I'd like to dedicate this chapter to the only person who's reviewed so far, Vampyregurl09, thanks for the comment, it makes me happy when people tell me what the think.

**--Lucille--**

The weeks rolled by right into the second month of school. Nothing really happened in that amount of time. I finished unpacking.

And, though Lorna still swears by her original assessment, Jasper hadn't even looked at me, let alone talked to me. Not that it's really that important, but there was something about him. I have the feeling he's hiding something.

**--Jasper--**

Weeks went by quickly. I hadn't talked to Lucille since the day I showed her around the school. My ears, having a mind of their own, continuously picked up her conversations with Lorna.

I'd learned a lot about her. She has an older brother named Coeur. Her mother's a pediatrician. She really hates rain. Oh, and her biggest fascination?

Vampires.

I don't know if I'd call it a fascination or a fear. Any time they were mentioned, that burning emotion began to eat at me.

**--Lucille--**

It was the second Friday of September. I walked into the history classroom only to see that the desks had been rearranged into neat rows of couplets. I looked at Mr. Fletcher; he told me to, "Sit wherever." And I chose the desk closest to where I used to sit. Yep, I don't like change that much in a school environment.

First block was easy and soon over. When the bell rang and the other students left, I stayed in my seat.

"Can you keep the other kids from coming in the classroom until I tell you to?" Mr. Fletcher asked. "You can leave your stuff in here."

"Sure." I left the classroom and the teacher closed the door. I stared at it with a confused look until I felt someone walk up behind me silently. I turned to see Jasper there.

"Mr. Fletcher not want us in there?" he asked with an amused smirk.

"No," I replied. I really hated being alone with him. I mean, it wasn't a bad thing, but seeing his face made me… Well, I'm not too sure what all it made me feel, but all of those feelings together didn't feel too good.

I sighed happily as Lorna and a few other students approached. Lorna and I made it to the outside of the horde of kids that stood around the door.

Lorna smiled at me, "What did you and Jasper talk about?"

Not this again. "Nothing. He just wanted to know if we weren't allowed in the classroom."

"I don't get you two, you obviously want to talk to each other, why don't you?"

"Well," I responded, "he's kind of. . ."

"Gorgeous?" Lorna finished.

"Not what I'm looking for."

"Unnaturally beautiful?"

"No."

"Handsome beyond belief?"

"None of those words. Maybe… intimidating?"

"Oh, I see."

"Well, not that, exactly, he… _scares_ me."

"Wow, it's so cute that you're so shy."

"I'm not shy, it's just… Doesn't he seem a little… _off_ to you?"

"Off?"

"Yeah, strange, different."

"No more strange or different than the rest of the Cullens."

"No, not the good kind of strange and different. Like, not _human_."

"It is hard to believe that humans could be so—"

"No, like _really_ not… Oh, never mind."

"Guess neither of us know what the other's saying," she shrugged her shoulders as the bell rang. We walked through the doorway, since Mr. Fletcher finally opened the door, laughing.

**--Jasper--**

As I walked into the classroom I was distracted by the conversation I'd just heard. Yes, I was eavesdropping again. I wasn't distracted enough, however, not to notice that the desks had been moved around. Pairs of desks were lined up in rows. Each desk had a piece of paper with a name written on it placed on the corner of its surface.

I noticed my name immediately, the desk right next to its name was. . .

"Ok guys," Mr. Fletcher said to the class, "today marks the first day of studying the Civil War. You may have noticed that the desks are rearranged; this is because who you're sitting next to will be your partner in a project that will count for a large portion of your grade. This project will be a presentation. What you do for the presentation will be up to you and your partner, it can be an oral report, power point, reenactment, or even an original skit. The choices are endless. Most of the work will be done outside of class. And know this: if you fail this, it could very well make you fail the entire class, no matter what grade you have. Find the desk with your name on it now."

I idled; making it seem like it took me a few seconds to locate my desk like the rest of the kids. I felt a familiar bit of fear, and an equally familiar sense of happiness and utter amusement. Looks like Lucille and Lorna found where Lucille's new seat is.

This reminded me of the conversation they'd had in the hallway. What does Lucille think I am? A vampire? Had she figured it out somehow?

Lucille rigidly sat down in the desk next to me. We both kept a good distance between us.

Mr. Fletcher continued on with class telling us he'd explain more a little later. With about a half an hour left of class, he returned to describing the project. He was going to give us about a month to work on it, which was beyond reasonable in my opinion, but I never sleep so… He then left us to start planning with our partner.

I turned to Lucille, "So any ideas?"

"Well, I have won oral report competitions on the Civil War, so there's a strong point for me. What about you?" she asked.

"Decent at writing, I suppose. Not really a report person, sorry," I answered. She squinted at the screen of her Digi-note, displayed were the suggestions for projects Mr. Fletcher had sent to the class, stylus in hand. She quickly scribbled some things down on the touch screen, then brought the end of the stylus to rest on her bottom lip, obviously thinking.

"So are we going to work on this at your house?" I asked, wanting to get something figured out before class ended.

"Well," she suddenly lost the comfortable feeling she was having and replaced it with slight fear and panic, "my mom's usually working, and I doubt she'd be okay with me having a guy over without her being there, you know."

"Yeah, that makes sense. Maybe the town's computer research building or even the library?"

"Well, my mom is usually at work before I get home. And I don't drive, so…"

"I could pick you up." Her feelings seemed to not like the idea of me knowing where she lived, or maybe just being alone in a car with me. Though, if I _really_ wanted to know where she lived, I could just smell her out. Not that she knew that. Maybe. "Or not. We'll figure something out," I shrugged as the bell rang.

She hurriedly got out of the desk and fled the room with me following her out the door and to the opposite direction. Her fear wove its way around me even though she was no longer there. It hurt. The girl was making my body ache and not in the good way.

**--Lucille--**

I hurried to my next class. I don't know what I was so nervous about. He was just trying to find a place to work at. The library was a good idea; he'd just have to drive me.

Why wasn't I okay with that? Lorna would be ecstatic. He was just… What was he? He screams vampire, but his eyes… His eyes are beautiful gold. Whoa… Where did the beautiful come from?

Great, this is not a good thing. I can't like him, I can't. He's most likely a vampire, how could I like him. But if he is a vampire, that means he could be Jasper Whitlock, doesn't it?

I sat through the rest of my morning classes and hurried to my lunch table. The Cullens weren't at their table yet. I opened my lunch, leftovers from last night's dinner.

Lorna sat down, "Hey. So where are you and Mr. Jasper working on your project, hmm? His house or your house?"

"Lorna, you know my mom works after school."

"That's the point. Don't you want to spend some time alone with him?"

"Not really."

"Goody-two-shoes."

"That's right, I am."

"Well, then, go to his house. Lots of siblings, plus I think Mrs. Cullen stays at home."

"Maybe." Willingly walking into what may be a house full of vampires wasn't really a smart idea, but it could help me determine once and for all if they are vampires.

As I thought that the Cullens walked in and headed for their table after picking up trays of food that they won't eat. What a waste.

I turned to look at the table. My eyes locked for a second with Jasper's. He had been looking at me? We turned away at the same instant. My hands moved and covered my warm face, I was… blushing? Lorna giggled at my side and I glared at her, my face still hidden by my hands.

I heard another soft giggle from the table behind me and a soft, hushing, "Renesmee." I then heard the sound of chair legs scrapping on the floor and footsteps.

I looked up, with my still red face still hidden, at the girl who sat down in front of me. She had a broad smile, warm brown eyes, and bronze-ish hair. She held her hand out to me, "I'm Renesmee Swan, nice to meet you."

**--End Chapter--**

R&R please!


	6. 6 Friends

**To Love What One Fears—Chapter Six: Friends**

This one's being dedicated to xxBoyMeetsGirlxx and Gazingmoon for their wonderful reviews. Thanks you two! On to the stroy!

**--Lucille--**

I took the girl's hand. Ouch, hot. Well that's strange. "I'm Lucille."

Renesmee continued to smile. "My friend is in your guys' U.S. History class. She's working with Lorna."

Lorna blinked, "Oh right, you are friends with Zoey."

"Well, she tells me that you're working with Jasper, Lucille."

"Yeah, I am."

"So, is he actually talking to you? He can be so unfriendly."

"Umm, yeah, and he can…" I hope this isn't going where Lorna's hints always lead.

"Well, it's Friday, you should come over and work on your project," she suggested excitedly. "And you guys will have to take breaks from time to time, so we can hang out! We can be friends."

She kept smiling. Really, I think I could only deal with one slightly over-baring personality in my life (Lorna!), but there was something about Renesmee's friendly offer that made me want to say yes. And another friend couldn't hurt, right?

But her warm skin made me wonder, what is she? She didn't really read "vampire," especially with that temperature, but she couldn't be normal. Well, human.

"That's a great idea, right Lucille?" Lorna prodded.

I looked into both smiling faces; Lorna's smile was a bit more devilish. Glad I don't know what she's thinking…

I looked back at Renesmee, "I'll have to call my mom."

She giggled and clapped, "YAY!" She reminds me of a three-year-old.

"Did you ask Jasper? Does he want to work on the project tonight?"

Renesmee glanced at Lorna, "Isn't that cute? She still thinks the guy's opinion matters."

Lorna shock her head, "So naïve."

"What are you guys talking about?" They both hung their heads and sighed at my question.

"Just call your mom, please," Renesmee sighed, "we're allowed to use are cell phones at lunch."

I nodded and pulled mine out. Pushing my mom's speed dial number, I waited for her to pick up. Yes, I have my mommy on speed dial. The only other is Coeur.

"Lucille? What is it? Did something happen at school?"

"No mom, it's just that we were given this large partner assignment in one of my history classes. I was wondering if I could go to my partner's house."

"Who's your partner?"

"Just a friend. His name's Jasper Hale."

"A boy then, huh?"

"Mom, just answer the question."

"Well, I don't really know him by his name."

"He's one of Dr. Cullen's kids."

"Oh, Dr. Cullen! I've talked to him once or twice; he seems like a good type of person."

"Question answering, please."

"Fine, I suppose so. But I won't be able to get you."

"I'll find a ride. Bye, mom."

"Bye dear, have fun with you project," she chuckled.

"Mom!" The line went dead.

Renesmee grinned, "So it's a yes then?"

"Yep, I'll just have to get a ride home."

"I'm sure Jasper can handle it."

"Are you not going to ask him?" I asked, bewildered that Renesmee seemed to think Jasper had no say in what he wanted to do.

"It's not like he has anything better to do," she dismissed the idea.

I looked down at my half-eaten lunch and pushed the contents of the Tupperware around with my fork. "What, no date on a Friday night?"

Renesmee burst out laughing, "Date! Jasper? No way!"

"Is there something wrong with him?" I asked.

Lorna joined our new friend in her laughing, "There's nothing wrong with him!"

The bronze-haired girl in front of me stopped laughing and her smile faltered. "He just… isn't looking for a girlfriend."

Lorna elbowed me in the ribs gently, "Sometimes we find exactly what we're not looking for, huh Lucille?"

**--Jasper--**

Damn, what had Renesmee just done? Part of me wanted to thank her for getting me time to work with Lucille. The other wanted to rip her a new one for the things she'd said.

And Lucille, god, something wrong with me? Really? That's what she asks?

The other vampires, and Jacob, at the table all looked at me with amused looks. Emmett was trying hard not to laugh. I glared at them all. I wanted to get up and walk away, but I know that that would look suspicious to Lucille and Lorna.

The bell rang and this time it was my turn to flee the room.

My afternoon classes passed quickly, too quickly. When I pulled my jacket out of my locker, I closed the door and turned to see Lucille just standing there, watching me with guarded eyes. I don't know how she was able to stand behind me without my noticing. Her scent was so strange—and familiar—, my sensitive nose barely picked it up, or at least, barely registered it.

"Umm, hi," she said softly, looking at the ground. Was she acting shy, and why was her face slightly… red? Is she… blushing? Again?

"Hi," I replied, "uh, Rosalie's car is this way." I began walking for the door and she silently followed.

She was feeling a million things at once. It was mind-numbingly painful being bombarded with almost every emotion under the sun. So intense, how could that emotion be from just one person?

We stopped next to Rosalie's car and waited for her and Emmett to arrive. "Umm..," she whispered, "this is okay with your parents, right?"

"Yeah," I answered. We didn't really ask Carlisle, just warned him that we'd be bringing a human home with us.

"Good, I don't really want to be a bother."

I laughed; something I hadn't done in over eighty years. She gave me a funny look. "Sorry," I said as my laughs died down, "it's just that that was such an old-fashioned phrase."

"Well, most of the books I read are old," she rebuked, folding her arms across her chest.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. I'm just not used to—"

"Talking with people," she finished for me sharply.

I was saved from this conversation by Rosalie and Emmett finally showing up. They got into the driver and front passenger seat without a word. I opened the door that Lucille and I were standing by and motioned for her to get in, "Here." With the attitude that she'd had with her previous comment, I thought she wasn't going to get in, but she gave me an almost contemplating look, and then entered the vehicle. I walked to the other side and got in.

The car ride to our house was quite. Lucille was still having too many feelings to tell what she _really_ was feeling, but at least the pain was subsiding. Rosalie was ticked off. And Emmett felt like that feeling he gets before picking on someone by saying rather bad and suggestive jokes.

Lucille stared solemnly out the window at the woods that surrounded the road to our house. One emotion stood out amongst the rest now, sorrow. I wonder what about the woods makes her so sad.

"Lucille?" I asked her, making her jump and look at me. "Is something wrong?"

She shook her head and added a soft, "Nothing." Silence took back over the car.

Rosalie pulled the car into our garage. We all got out and Rosalie lead Lucille into the house.

Emmett stopped me. "I don't care if you have your friend over, kind of glad you actually found one, but just don't be an asshat, okay. Be nice to her. Like in the car."

"No asshatness, got it," I replied, walking passed him.

**--Lucille--**

I entered the Cullen house to find… Extremely white walls and lots of windows? What? That was unexpected. "Wow, so light," I whispered.

"Did you expect something else?" Jasper asked, coming up behind me.

"Why would I be expecting something?" I replied. More like I don't know what I was expecting, just not this.

"Oh, Carlisle, this is Lucille Chevalier," Jasper told the man that walked up to us. I can describe Carlisle in just three words: handsome, blonde, and young-looking. "Lucille, this is my adoptive father, Dr. Carlisle Cullen."

I was about to raise my had to shake Carlisle's, but I decided not to when his hand didn't raise. I didn't shake Jasper's hand either…

"And this is Esme, my adoptive mother," Jasper told me as a caramel-haired woman came to stand by Carlisle. She smiled softly at me.

"You two have a project to work on, right?" I simply nodded, taking in Carlisle's smooth voice. "Then you can use my office."

"Thank you, Carlisle," Jasper said and motioned for me to go up the staircase. I walked up the grand curved stairs and walked a few steps down the hallway the lead off of it. "This one's Carlisle's office," Jasper said behind me, but I wasn't paying attention to which room he was pointing out. My eyes were glued to the large cross at the end of the hall.

He came to stand beside me, "That's an heirloom from Carlisle's family."

"Heirloom," I said astounded, "that thing is practically an ancient relic." I walked up closer to it. "This looks like it was carved in the seventeenth century. And look at the pristine condition it's in. How is it possible for something so old to still be so perfect?"

"There're ways. Now we should get to work." He walked into one of the rooms and I followed him.

The room I followed him into was a large office. The three walls I could see were lined with bookcases that were filled to the brim with old volumes and texts. "Wow," I whispered excitedly and hurried over to one of the bookcases. "Some of these books are from centuries and centuries ago!"

"Thought you might like this, but you're missing the best part," Jasper said, pointing at the wall behind him.

I looked at it, amazed by the number of paintings and photographs that lined it's surface. I went toward the left side and stared at a simple, sepia-colored oil painting of a city.

Jasper came up beside me, "You seem to know a lot about art and history, what do you see?"

I turned to him and said smugly, "London, mid 1600s. So, what's with all the seventeenth century stuff?"

"My family likes history, that's all."

I turned back around and analyzed the other pictures. Some were landscapes, a few looked like an old France, and then there was the largest and brightest of them all. It depicted a scene in a large, Italian hall. Many brightly dressed figures danced under the balconies that held the people of the highest classes. There were four people painted into the top balcony. One looked distinctively like Carlisle.

"Do you like that one? What do you see?" my host asked.

I decided to leave out Carlisle, and just shrugged my shoulders and replied, "A ball in an Italian hall." He looked at me as if he was trying to judge whether I'd seen the young-looking doctor in the painting or not, but when I said, "Well, let's get to work," he looked reassured that I hadn't.

"Sure."

**--End Chapter--**

**R&R!**


	7. 7 Partners

**To Love What One Fears—Chapter Seven: Partners**

I own nothing about the Twilight Saga or the cars mentioned in this chapter

**-Japer-**

We worked on the project for a few hours, deciding to go ahead with the report, but adding a few of our own touches. Lucille really is good at writing reports. I've been doing it for centuries and I was never that good, and I lived through most of the topics.

Around five, Renesmee burst through the door claiming we were working too hard and needed to hang out for a while.

She grabbed Lucille's wrist, "Come on, I'll introduce you to everyone." Renesmee pulled the poor human down the stairs; I followed close behind. They slowed down by the piano and stopped in the living room area of the open floor plan.

The entire family was trying to look normal and completely human. Rosalie and Emmett were quietly talking to each other, Bella and Edward were doing homework, Carlisle was working on something on his personal laptop, Esme could be seen through the window-wall watering some plants on the back patio, and Jacob was leaned up against the wall playing with the apps on his phone.

"I know you know everyone from school, but I'll just formally introduce you to them," Renesmee told Lucille. She went down the line and told Lucille each person's name. She then sat herself and our guest on the last little sofa and began talking to her about some movie that was out that she really wanted to see.

Jacob walked over to the sofa and stood next to Renesmee, "Renesmee, I told you that I was going to take you this weekend."

"I know," she responded.

At that moment, Esme walked into the room. "Oh, Jasper, I didn't realize that you and Lucille were done working," she falsely commented, keeping up the charade.

"Um," Lucille started and stopped when she saw most of the eyes in the room turn toward her. Great guys, freak her out why don't you? "You all have a lovely home. It's incredibly clean."

Esme smiled softly, "Thank you. I try to keep the house clean."

"I try to keep my house clean, but there's nothing to be done about pet fur. You just can't get rid of it."

"So you like animals?" Renesmee asked excitedly.

"Uh, yeah," Lucille replied, "my horse, that I really miss, is in Texas at my grandparents' ranch and my adorable little cat is here in Forks with me."

"Cat, huh? I'm more of a dog lover myself."

God, I hope Lucille missed how Jake just smirked at that comment!

**-Lucille-**

Well, if I wasn't sure what Jacob was before, I know now. Werewolf. It makes sense, but then again it doesn't. But neither does the existence of vampires.

So I'll say this: I don't want to know what kind of "dog lover" Renesmee is…

Can't believe I just thought that!

After that Renesmee and I talked for a while, with the random interjection from Jacob or Bella. I glanced at the digital watch on my wrist. "Seven!" I exclaimed as I quickly stood up.

"Something wrong?" Jasper asked.

"Yeah, I need to get home. It's dinner time and I haven't even started cooking yet."

"Can't you stay a little longer?" Renesmee whined. "We have to have dinner too."

I looked back at her. What should I say? Sorry, the idea of staying "for dinner" at a house full of vampires doesn't really appeal to my. Maybe not that.

"Sorry, Renesmee, I have my mom to cook for too." The still truthful, yet diplomatic and non-angering answer.

"We understand," Carlisle said as he gave a pointed look to Renesmee.

"It was nice to meet you," Esme added.

"I'll drive you home," Jasper said. I waved goodbye to everyone and then turned and followed Jasper out into the garage.

I took a moment to take it all in. The garage was large and filled with many expensive cars. There was Rosalie's red convertible (which was completely impractical seeing as it rains 99.9% of the time here in Forks), a new, dark green Jeep (which, although I still saw some dirt stuck in the crevices of the tires, was spotless and shiny), a vintage Corvette (I didn't think they still made those), a few other expansive vehicles, and even a few motorcycles were tucked neatly into one corner.

"Which one are we taking?" I asked as he pulled a set of keys out of a drawer.

"That one," he replied pointing at a sleek, black car that looked like it could disappear into the darkness.

"Cool." I stepped closer to the vehicle and he opened the passenger door for me. I climbed in and sank into the leather seat. I took a look around inside the car and noted all the details and gadgets it had. Yep, of course it's fully loaded.

He got in, started the car and pulled out of the show room, sorry, garage. When we were out of the long drive way he said, "I apologize for Renesmee. She can be a bit immature sometimes."

"It's not a problem, my best friend's Lorna. You haven't seen immature," I responded and added a small chuckled at the end.

"What?"

"The way you talk! And act. Actually the way your family acts. You're all so formal."

"It's just the way we were raised," he said defensively.

"Well, then, _when _were you raised?" I didn't mean to say that. The words just slipped from between my lips.

He paused, but then replied calmly and yet still sarcastically, "The same time as you, when else?"

I looked, no, stared at him. I wanted to say, "I think you mean the Civil War," but I held my tongue. That just made my thoughts return to the journals at home.

Could Jasper really be… Jasper? It made sense in a way, I guess. His mother's journal said that they received news that their son had been lost during battle, but the body wasn't found. Maybe the wording was in _lost_ and not _dead_? Maybe some vampire had tricked him into being turned? Maybe this was a chance to…

What was I thinking? Here I was, alone in a car with a possible vampire. I should be worrying that I might not make it home tonight. That my mom would be told that I was attacked by some animal, just like they said about my dad. That my brother would know the truth and figure it out about the Cullens and get himself killed trying to avenge me!

Okay, I admit, that's reading too much into the situation. But still, those are the kind of thoughts I should be having. But, no! Here I was, fantasizing about being able to be with my Civil War love! Unacceptable, _but_ unchangeable.

"Is something wrong?" Jasper asked, snapping me back into reality. "You've been staring at me for a while."

"No I wasn't, I was staring off into space, you just happened to be in the way."

"Were you thinking?"

"Yeah."

"What about?"

"Random stuff, not like it's any of your business. I mean, were not really friends, we're just working on a project together, right?"

"Right. Now, where do you live?"

"What?"

"I'm driving you home, so where do you live?"

"Uh, oh, right," I stuttered as I told him my address.

**-Jasper-**

After I dropped off my reluctant partner, I headed for home at a speed I hadn't driven on the way to her house. It wasn't long before I was home, the car was parked in the garage, and I was back inside the house. I was replaying the conversation in the car in my head. This was a bad idea considering it attracted the attention of Edward. "She asked you what?"

"Nothing," I replied. I don't know if it's possible or not, but I think I'm getting a headache.

"What is this about?" Carlisle asked.

I sighed. "Excuse my disrespectfulness, but just ask Edward, he knows everything I'm thinking," I uttered bitterly as I hurried up the stairs to my room.

I threw myself into my chair and leaned onto my desk. I covered my face with one of my hands, sighed again, and tried to collect my thoughts. I opened one eye and, through my fingers, stared for a moment at the pile of journals that lay on the wooded surface. I grabbed the one on top and opened it to a blank page. I pulled a pen out of a drawer and poised it above the paper, but I hesitated, not sure of what exactly I wanted to write. I didn't want to write down what happed today like I used to, lately I just wrote random scribbles of the sensations of being a vampire, or little tidbits about Alice and depression.

Without dating the page, I etched a single word at the top and underlined it, followed by some of my thoughts that went with the word.

Lucille

Intelligent

Passionate about history

Strange

Knows a lot about vampires

Loves art

Has intense feelings

Lots of fear

Good at writhing reports

Kind-hearted toward animals

Not too bad lo

I scratched out the last line, surprised at what I was writing. That wasn't what I thought, was it? I don't think that she's not too bad looking. I mean, she's defiantly not ugly, but..! What was I thinking? I mentally slapped myself in the face as I tore the page out of the book, crumpled it up, and threw it on the floor. I stood up, grabbed a book off a shelf, and plopped down on my lounger chair to read.

I refuse to think that Lucille is good-looking. There is only one girl I'll ever think that about, post vampirism, and that is, or was, Alice.

**-End Chapter-**

I know this chapter took a while, sorry I was dealing with a case of writer's block and school finals so... Just to let you know, the next chapter will be called **Confessions**, but I think I'm going to post something in between these two chapters, an extra little dream of Lucille's, and trust me, it's interesting. **R&R please!**


	8. Extra:  Dream of that Night

**-To Love What One Fears—Extra: Dream of that Night-**

This little thing is extremely important to the plot line, but it isn't long enough to be a chapter, nor did it fit into the ending of the last or the beginning of the next, so it gets to feel special and be an extra! It even gets more than one word in its title! It's been like, less than twenty-four hours since I last posted to this story, but I love this dream sequence, so I couldn't wait to let you all read it!

The dream its self is _italicized_.

**-Lucille-**

After dinner, I went up to my room and grabbed the journals. I reread all of them, memorizing the words I already knew by heart. I was sure of it now, no more denying it, the two Jaspers were absolutely one in the same.

I yawned while I was still analyzing the last journal. Still reading, I fell asleep with the old book in my hands, clutched to my chest.

_I was standing in the middle of a generic forest scene. I wasn't really sure what was going on. The woods were silent as I looked around at the sepia-colored world. I realized that I was wearing a dress right out of the Civil War era._

_I took a tentative step forward, then another, and another, until I picked up the bellowing skirts and started to flat out run as best I could. I wasn't sure why, but I was terrified and ran for my life from some invisible threat._

_Suddenly a man was in front of me and I halted. Jasper stood in front of me dressed in clothes from the same time period as mine. He held out his hand and I backed away from him. "Please," he pleaded with sad eyes._

"_Stay away from me," I told him._

"_I can't do that. What changed between us? Is it because I'm a vampire that you no longer love me?"_

_This wasn't the Jasper of the waking world. This was the Jasper that had been in my dreams as a little girl. He was just a little different._

"_Please," he begged again, stepping forward._

_I didn't move, I let him come closer, transfixed by his sad and golden eyes. "Thank you," he said as he stood before me now._

"_Jasper, we can't do this. We can't be together," I told him solemnly._

"_Why? Because we are from two different species?" he asked, taking my hands in his._

"_Yes, and because I'm terrified of your kind."_

_He brought my hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss on the back of it. His lips still caressing my skin, he whispered, "But you're not afraid of me."_

_I gently pulled my hand away, "But you are immortal, I will eventually die."_

"_We can change that," he suggested softly. He was suddenly behind me with his arms wrapped around my waist. "It will hurt, but it is the only way for us to be together… Forever." I leaned my head back and to the side. "Are you sure?" he asked, leaning closer. I relaxed completely in reply. He pulled at the collar of my dress to revel my shoulder. He leaned down and the scene suddenly changed as he did._

_The woods were abruptly in full color and Jasper was no longer the person about to bite into my shoulder. The person was a familiar and fearsome woman; she was Delilah._

"_Welcome to our world, my soon to be daughter," she whispered right before she sank her teeth into my flesh._

I bolted up in bed, screaming my head off. I clutched at my shoulder that was burning as if it was set on fire. It took me minutes to realize that the burning sensation wasn't real, that nothing had really happened to my shoulder, and that it was all in my head, which was throbbing uncontrollably due to the most massive headache known to man.

As I was held my head I noticed a lone book laying on the floor. The journal most have fallen to the floor when I woke up. I climbed off the mattress to retrieve it. I bent down and softly caressed its leather binding before picking it up and placing it with its counterparts.

I stared at them with a new conviction. There were a few new, undeniable truths in my mind now.

First, Delilah, possibly quite literally, scares me to death. Second, I was not afraid of Jasper at all. Third, the Cullens were probably never going to eat me. And Fourth, I am, always have been, and always will be in love with Jasper Whitlock, or Hale, or whatever other name he may have.

Now, what am I going to do about it?

**-End Extra-**

I hope you liked this too. **R&R please!**


	9. 8 Confessions

**-To Love What One Fears—Chapter Eight: Confessions-**

Warning you now, this chapter has over 3,000 words in it. I can't believe that it got so long! But it's my favorite chapter, so maybe that's why...

Also, I own nothing about the Twilight Saga or the movies/books I mention in this chapter.

**-Lucille-**

The next afternoon, I sat up in my room and dialed Lorna's cell number. I noticed, as I scrolled through the contact list, many new numbers in the database. It raised the question: When did Renesmee get a hold of my cell phone?

The phone barely rang once before Lorna picked up, "Luci! How did it go? What's the Cullen house like? Did anything happen?"

"LORNA! Let me answer your questions!"

"Sorry, go ahead."

"It went well, I guess. The Cullen house was… clean, white, and open. And, what do you mean what happened?"

"Anything between you and Jasper?"

"We were working on a project, Lorna, not much can happen."

"Were you alone with him at least?"

"Not really. Well, we were the only two in Carlisle's office, but the rest of his massive family was somewhere in the house, so it didn't really feel alone. Especially with Renesmee bursting in every so often."

"And here I thought that Renesmee was on my side," Lorna pouted.

"What? Your side?"

"Yeah, my side that is going to help you hook up with Jasper."

"Is that even any of your business?" I asked, astounded at her need to meddle.

"Luci, I'm your best friend, of course it's my business to make sure you date hot guys when they are right there for the taking."

I burst out laughing at that ridicules statement. After I managed to get the fit under control I coughed out, "Lorna, I'll manage that on my own, thanks."

"What are you saying? Do you want to date him? Do you like him?" she inquired, sounding more excited with each question.

". . . Maybe," I replied meekly.

"YES!" Lorna exclaimed. "She admits it!"

**-Jasper-**

The house was quiet. Esme and Rosalie were out shopping; Carlisle and Jacob were at their jobs; and Emmett, Edward, and Bella were out hunting. But that left one usually loud girl in the house. Where is Renesmee?

She came down the stairs at that time. I shouldn't have asked. She sat down on the couch next to me and smiled an odd little smile. She was feeling curious, serious, slightly happy, and… something else that I can't really give a name to.

"Hey Jasper," she said in the voice she uses when she wants something.

"Yes, Renesmee?" I asked without turning away from my book. It was the same one I had picked up the night before; I was almost done with it now.

"What are you doing later?"

"I don't really have anything planned. But I thought that you were going to the movies with Jacob when he gets back."

"Oh, I wasn't asking for me. I just wanted to know," she responded matter-of-factly.

"Why?" I asked.

"I just wanted to know," she repeated.

"Whatever. What time is it? Shouldn't Jacob be back soon?"

"Now you're just trying to get rid of me."

"I'm afraid of what you going to bring up next. I sense there was a reason behind this."

She sighed and looked around the room as if she were bored. She then returned her attention to me. "You know if you really want something to do, you could always go hang out with friends, well your friend."

"My friend?" I inquired, finally looking away from the book.

"Yeah, Lucille," she said it like I was an idiot.

"Renesmee, Lucille and I aren't friends, we were just assigned to work on a project together and that's all. Besides, sometimes she acts mad at me for no reason and, she afraid of me, well all of us, actually."

"Afraid of us? Why?"

"I think she knows we're vampires."

"And she's afraid of vampires?"

"Well, it is logical to be afraid of something that will suck your blood and kill you, or worse."

"But we won't. But it does explain why she acts mad at you."

"How's that?"

"Well, it's rather obvious that Lucille likes you, but she's also afraid of you. So, she acts mad at you because she confused by her conflicting emotions," Renesmee explained as if it were the most simple thing in the world.

"That makes no sense," I told her bluntly.

"It makes perfect sense! But it's not the point here—"

"Then what is your point, Renesmee?"

"Look, you've been mourning Alice for around eighty years now. You have a right to be sad, but you've let that be all you are. Most of the time you're up in your room writing depressed emo poems. I think it's time that you… try to be happy. You don't have to move on from Alice, but you at least need to find something that makes you happy."

"Something that makes me happy?"

"Yeah, and Lucille could be someone that makes you happy. I'm not saying you should date her or _like _her, but you should be her friend. No matter how afraid of you she is, she still likes you."

"You want me to be her friend? How, she's the one that said we weren't really friends in the first place?"

"Just, if she wants to be friends, then be friends. If she talks to you, talk to her. If she asks to hang out, then hang out. It's that simple. I know that you might be fine with being all depressed, but you'll feel better if you're happy. And if you can't do that for us, or you, then do it for Alice. I know that's what she would want."

"Fine. I'll try, but only if she asks."

**-Lucille-**

-The Thursday after that-

I had found it more difficult than I thought it would be to talk to Jasper. I mean, we worked on the project and talked during class. But other than that, nothing. Maybe I couldn't handle this on my own.

I waited impatiently for my first class to pass. I had promised myself to talk to Jasper about something other than history. I was okay at small talk… Well, maybe not, I'd never really had to talk to someone who was so… quiet. All of my friends were loud and slightly over-bearing. It balanced out _my_ quietness and meekness around people. But with Jasper, if I wanted us to become friends, well hopefully more,_ I _had to make the first move.

The bell finally rang and I switched to my second period seat. I watched as many kids walked through the door and took their seats, but not him. As the tardy bell rang, I realized that he wasn't coming. I looked out the window and glared at the cloudless sky. No wonder he wasn't here, it was bright and sunny out. I sighed and stared at my desk, completely ignoring Mr. Fletcher's ranting on Stonewall Jackson. For possibly the first time in my life, I had no interest in hearing about the Civil War.

I gave the teacher my attention when he mentioned one of my favorite old classic book/movies. "_Gone with the Wind_. Does anyone know what this is? Maybe, Lucille?" He often asked me questions; I just as often knew the answers. I guess he liked getting an answer, and it saved the other kids from trying to think of what the answer was, and failing.

"_Gone with the Wind_ is a book written by Margret Mitchell and was originally published in 1936. The story was based around the time of the Civil War and took place in the south. It was made into a film in 1939," I answered.

"Correct," Mr. Fletcher said. "It was one of the first color films and has been restored time and time again so younger generations may enjoy it just as past generations have. The story is one of America's greatest classics, and that's not just my opinion, which is why it is your assignment to watch the nearly four hour film and write a report on it. You will write the report about one of the topics that I've sent to your Digi-notes. These reports are not partner projects, so I'll expect each of you to have it done and ready to hand in when the actual partner projects are due."

I zoned out for the rest of the class and the morning.

At lunch I sat down at my usual table in a rather sad mood. Lorna sat down next to me, "I should have warned you that the Cullens go camping when the weather's really good like today."

"Camping?"

"Yeah, it's a strange pastime, isn't it?"

"Not really, I used to love going fishing."

"True, sorry. Again," she replied guiltily as she remembered why I stopped going on fishing trips.

"It's ok. About both things. I shouldn't really get my hopes up on Jasper."

"You can't give up though!" she responded stubbornly. "I have a plan, wanna hear it?"

"Sure." I smiled at my friend's tenacity.

"Tomorrow you're going to ask him to watch that movie with you at your house," Lorna informed me animatedly.

"I am?"

"Yeah! Your mom's not working and you said that you didn't see a TV at his house, right?"

"Well, I didn't see one in the living room, but one of them probably has one in their room."

"Luci."

"Okay, okay, I'll ask him." My smile grew brighter as I thought about the prospect of tomorrow.

"I'll just text Renesmee to tell Jasper to drive himself to school tomorrow."

"And how is she supposed to convince him to do that if he doesn't feel like it?"

"I don't know. It's Renesmee, she'll find a way."

**-Jasper-**

Renesmee's cell buzzed as she got a text. Her eyes flashed to me before she typed back a reply. I decided to ignore it as I headed for the door, about to leave on a much needed hunt.

"Hey, why don't we play a virtual board game, guys?" Renesmee suggested to the room of bored vampires, and Jacob. They all muttered replies that came out to the meaning of, "Sure, what else do we have to do?"

I, on the other hand, continued for the door, content on leaving. That is, however, until I felt Renesmee's hands grip onto my arm. "Jasper, you have to play too." I looked her in the face and realized that I had no chance in winning my freedom, so I sighed and followed her back to the living room.

Thanks to Renesmee's endless game, I didn't get to leave to hunt until late in the evening. The place where I was going was overpopulated with many animals, and was also in a different state. That means that my necessary hunting trip might make me late for school. Oh well, I'll just drive myself and hope I make it before the tardy bell.

**-Lucille-**

-The next morning-

I looked out the window of the history class at the parking lot. I saw Rosalie's and Edward's vehicles but I didn't see the night-like car that I assumed was Jasper's, considering it was what he drove me home in. I looked up at the clock that hung on the classroom's wall. There was about two minutes left before the tardy bell rang. I sighed, he wasn't coming. But just as I was giving up hope, the black vehicle pulled into an available spot and Jasper hopped out and ran, at a slightly faster than a human speed, into the building.

My first class passed too slowly, but it still wasn't long until Jasper was sitting in the desk next to mine. I was going to enact Plan A: Casually offer to have him come over and watch the movie as I inform him of the new assignment. But Mr. Fletcher ruined the plan by reminding the class of the report and not giving us anytime to talk to each other. I hate lecture days.

I then had to wait for lunch to try and use Plan B, yep Lorna and I, with the help of Renesmee, had prepared two plans. I didn't like Plan B as well. It involved me having to go to the Cullen table, asking to talk to him, and then, after going out into the hallway or something, asking him to come over to my house to watch the movie. That was basically asking him out, in front of people! But I had no other previously planned out option.

At lunch I quickly and quietly ate my lunch, after I finished I managed to sit for maybe thirty whole seconds before Lorna urged me to go ask Jasper. I swallowed down the anxiety that suddenly built up and stood up. I could do this, it was just asking a guy to come over to my house and watch a movie, that's all. I inwardly screamed and then turned and walked over to the intimidating table full of Cullens.

I stopped in front of the boy in question. "Um, Jasper?" He looked up at me. "Can I talk to you?"

He stood up, "Sure." He looked at his adoptive siblings and then back at me, "Why don't we talk in the hallway?" I nodded and followed him out of the cafeteria. "So, is this about the project?" he asked once we were a couple of hallways away from the lunch room.

"No, actually, I just…" I trailed off as I was unsure of how to ask him. I cursed my rapidly beating heart that I knew he could hear as I decided to continue bluntly, "I wanted to know if you wanted to come watch the movie Mr. Fletcher assigned at my house."

"You want to hang out?"

"Yeah," I replied, faking confidence, "we're friends, right?"

"I thought you said that we were just working on a project together?"

"Well, that was a week ago."

He smiled slightly at my indecisiveness, "Sure, I'll come. I drove here, so I guess I could drive us to your house."

I nodded, "Sure, that'd work."

**-Jasper -**

As the bell that concluded lunch rang, I walked away from Lucille. Her emotions confused me more now than ever. This whole week I haven't felt any fear, none! But nervousness was abundant! It's like she went through an entire emotional makeover over night! And now this!

Okay, so I didn't really mind hanging out with her, but I had a feeling that something was going to happen, I just didn't know what.

After the final bell rang I hurriedly left the classroom and went to my locker and grabbed my jacket out of it. Once again, when I turned around Lucille was standing there, waiting for me.

At this time, for some unknown reason, I noticed what she was wearing. She wore a grey, off-the-shoulder sweater, with black lines weaving a floral pattern into it; pale washed jeans; and her pant legs were tucked into classic cowboy boots. The look was completed by the same familiar-looking cameo necklace she almost always wore. I couldn't help but think that the outfit was a demure version of something that Alice would have picked out, well, minus the boots.

"Are you coming," she asked as she pulled on the jacket that she had been holding.

"Yeah."

The drive to her house wasn't long and I soon found myself in front of the building while she unlocked the front door. She opened the door and turned to me, "Well, come on in, it's not much compared to where you live, but it's good for just me and mom, and my brother whenever he decides to visit."

I stepped inside and looked around. "No, I like it. It's cozy."

"Mom should be home soon," Lucille said as her cell phone began to ring. She pulled it out of her pocket and hit the answer button. "Hello?... Mom?... Oh, really?... Yeah, he's here… Do you want me to—?... Yeah, that's all, but—… Are you sure?... Okay, bye."

"What was that?" I asked as she hung up.

"Apparently, my mom had to stay late because of some emergency and won't be home until late."

"Oh, then should I go?"

"No, she said you could stay."

After that, she put the movie in and we sat on the sofa in silence as we watched. Occasionally she would look over as if she was going to say something, but then she'd turn back around without a word.

**-Lucille-**

I was getting really tired of the uncomfortable silence! But I couldn't figure out what to say. And Jasper seemed content in just watching the movie. I sighed to myself. I don't think this is how Lorna pictured it. But then again, Lorna probably pictured some kind of hot make-out scene. Yep, I'll bet that that's exactly what she pictured.

Then the house phone, yes we have one, started to ring. I stood up to get it and tried to maneuver around the coffee table. And failed, I might add. I ended up kicking the table leg, becoming off-balanced, and then falling backwards… right into Jasper's lap. I was leaning up against his stone hard and colder-than-ice chest.

**-Jasper-**

I stared down at her wide-eyed. "I can explain," I started, but she shook her head.

"You don't have to." She removed herself from my lap as she said, "I already knew that you were a vampire."

I didn't respond. I had thought that she knew, but to actually hear her say it was still surprising.

She looked me in the eyes, the gesture was oddly intense. "You see, my father was murdered by a vampire right in front of me. So I knew what you were as soon as I saw you."

"Oh, I'm so sorry."

She stood up suddenly, "Wait here, I have something I want to show you." She managed to get around the table this time and ran up the stairs, forgetting about the phone. She came back down the stairs a few moments later with an old, leather-bound book clutched to her chest.

She stopped at the bottom of the stairs and looked at the ground. I stood up and walked closer to her. Still staring at the ground, she said, "This may seem a bit off topic, but the reason I'm so interested in the Civil War is because of this plantation home my father, brother, and I restored. Inside I found journals written by the family. As I read the ones written by the oldest son, I began to fall in love with him. Do you know who he was?" She finally looked up at me.

I stared at her in return. I was an oldest son that wrote journals. I lived on a plantation home in Texas during the Civil War. She couldn't be… talking about me? Could she?

She took my silence as my response and pulled something out of the book. "This is a picture of him," she whispered as she held it out for me to see. It was a picture of me as a human. "His name was Jasper Whitlock," she stated. "And I'm in love with him… He's the man of my dreams… And he's you."

**-End Chapter-**

There was actually supposed to be another little scene in this, but maybe I'll just post it as an extra. I'm starting to love those! The scene was once again in Lucille's dreams, but this time she was talking to Alice. I ended up leaving it out due to the length of the chapter...

**R&R, please!**


	10. Extra:  I'm Not a Doll, Alice

**To Love What One Fears—Extra: I'm Not a Doll, Alice**

This is a scene that I cut from the last chapter. I'm, posting it because I thought it was kind of humorous, but it's not my best written work. Now it has no importance to the storyline, I just feel like posting it and making you guys wait for Jasper's response to Lucille's confession. That's my slight evilness coming out, sorry.

Also, the last chapter sent this story over 1,000 hits, so yay!

This takes place Thursday night before Lucille invites Jasper over and the entire thing is her dream.

**-Lucille-**

-In Lucille's dreams-

The meadow was the same as always, perpetually filled with bright flowers and sunlight occasionally blocked by a drifting cloud. A gentle breeze helped create a feeling of peace and calm. A bird singing a cheery tune from the blooming cherry blossom tree completed the serene scene.

Alice was in the center wearing one of her many expensive-looking dresses waiting for me. As soon as I'd taken a few steps into the flowers, she ran to me and threw her arms around my neck. "I'm so proud of you! Letting go of your fears so you can be with the boy you love… Asking him out because he's so quiet… It's so romantic!" she squealed in my ear.

I laughed at her, "Alice, calm down!"

She hugged me tighter for a second and then removed herself from me. She looked me over in a scrutinizing manner. "Well, if you're going to ask him out tomorrow—"

"I'm not asking him out, I'm going to casually offer to watch a movie at my house, like friends would do."

"But you want it to be a date?"

"No… Yeah, kind of, but that doesn't matter."

"But what if he thinks it a date?"

"It still won't be a date."

"But, if you want it to be a date and he thinks it's a date, then doesn't that make it a date?"

"… I don't know… Just finish your sentence from before. If I'm going to ask him out…?"

"Then you need to plan out your outfit for tomorrow," she stated as if that was the most important thing in the world.

"Wow these little meetings aren't about my power anymore, are they?"

"You're maturing. Now about what you're going to wear…"

"Is that absolutely necessa—"

"YES!" Alice interrupted me. "Now, we don't usually do this, but it's time this dream took a detour to your closet." With that, the scenery changed and we were standing in my room. Alice hurried over to my closet and pushed back the curtain that hid the clothes. "You really need a larger closet."

"Who has room for large closets?" I asked. "Or the clothes to fill them with?"

Alice merely laughed at my remark as she pulled out one of my favorite dresses. It was made of a silky sliver fabric that had a layer of black lace covering it, it was sleeveless, and fell to just above my knees when I wore it. "What about this?" she asked holding it out to me.

"One, it's not practical in this town's cold weather. I'd have to wear leggings with it and a jacket or shrug all day to meet the school's dress code. And two, don't you think that's a bit much to wear to school?"

Alice looked at me, then at it, then back at me. "I don't think it's too much, and leggings and a shrug go great with dresses."

"Alice."

"Do we really have to choose your practicality over my fashion sense?" I gave her a look that said, 'the answer will always be yes.' She sighed, "Fine, I'll choose something else."

"Thank you."

She rifled through the rest of the clothes in the closet until she found something she liked. "You can't say no to this one!" 'This one' was a grey, long-sleeved, off-the-shoulder top with the outlines of flowers decorating it in black. "You could wear those pale jeans with it," she suggested.

I looked at the top and imagined it with the jeans. They would look good together. But I know something that will make it look batter. I grinned slyly and Alice gave me a questioning look. "Alright, I'll wear the outfit, but I get to wear a pair of cowboy boots with it."

At first she grimaced at the thought of it, but then she sighed, "Fine, as long as you wear the black pair."

**-End Extra-**

I wonder can anyone find what's now funny about something Jasper thought in the last chapter? The next chapter will be called, "**Firsts**."

I also want to announce that I've posted another story. It's called "Of Secrets and Imprints." I bet you can guess by the title that its going to focus more on the werewolves, but maybe a few of you will enjoy it.

**R&R, please!**


	11. Important Message!

Right now, I'm freaking out! This story has been nominated for a "Bring Me you Life" award. The category is "The Military Man" award, which is given to the best Jasper story.

Please vote for "To Love What One Fears"! The site is:www(dot)bringmetolifeawards(dot)weebly(dot)com . and is ran by GreenEyes555. You can look on her profile or website for more information.

Once again, please vote!

I'm not sure who nominated this story, but I would dearly like to thank them. So," THANK YOU!" whoever you were. I would also like to thank anyone who votes for this story!

Lycoris


	12. 9 Firsts

**To Love What One Fears—Chapter Nine: Firsts**

Well, I'm finally giving you the next chapter. Sorry about the two posts in between, but I hope you like it!

**-Jasper-**

I stared at Lucille. I didn't know what else to do. She knew? She knew… everything. And she loves me? Just a week ago she was deathly afraid of me, and now she loves me? No, she loves Jasper Whitlock. Yes, he's me, technically, but I'm not the same boy who wrote those journals. I've changed.

We locked eyes. As I remained silent, she whispered, "Say something, please."

Suddenly, although I didn't know what to say, my mouth tried to form words, "I, uh…" It was like I had no control over what my mind wanted to do. "I… I don't know what to say."

I felt sadness and a little of anger added to the vivid emotions she was already feeling. She rushed over to the sofa as I noticed water starting to form in her eyes. Damn. I didn't want her to cry, or be sad for that matter. I wanted her… to be happy.

**-Lucille-**

I sat down on the plush piece of furniture. I was mad at myself for accidentally using my ability on him and sad because I'd hoped that maybe, just maybe, it wouldn't work on vampires, or at least him.

But what he'd said played again in my head. I wiped the condensation off of my face. Why was I crying? Why the hell was I crying? Of course he didn't know what to say! I'd just told him that I loved him! Or rather, who he used to be… Why did I do that?

Jasper sat down next to me on the loveseat. He whispered softly,"Lucille…"

I didn't look at him when I said, "Jasper, it's ok. I shouldn't have said… I'm sor—" I stopped as I felt myself suddenly caught in an ice cold embrace.

**-Jasper-**

I don't know why, but I wound my arms around the human girl. Maybe it was the tiny suggestion from an imagined familiar voice telling me to hug her. I was just glad that her scent didn't make my throat burn. I was glad that I didn't want to kill her.

She tensed slightly and was surprised by my action. I couldn't blame her, so was I. I realize now that I don't just want her to be happy, I want to _make_ her happy. By whatever, well, almost whatever means possible.

I sighed shakily into her brown hair. I shouldn't feel like this, not about anyone but Alice. But maybe Renesmee was right. "I… don't know if I _can_ feel the same about you," I whispered.

She tried to pull away and I let her go. She looked at me, but avoided making eye contact. "You don't have to feel the same. Being friends is more than I ever expected to be with you."

"Wait, let me finish," I told her. She nodded silently. "For a long time, I had a ma… I was with someone." No need to scare her with a word like mate right now. "Around 80 years ago, she was killed by another vampire."

"And you love her like she was the only thing you could exist for." I was surprised that she didn't feel sad or jealous by this statement.

I nodded though, and continued, "I don't know if I can love again…"

"You don't—" She cut off as I made her look me in the eyes.

"Or give you the feelings you deserve, but… I'll try."

She stared at me wide-eyed, yet she had an amused smile at the same time. "You'll… try?"

I smiled and chuckled, "That was really lame and cheesy, wasn't it?"

She laughed and sank back into the couch, completely relaxed. "No, it wasn't. I'd call it…" She turned back to me and grinned, "Gentlemanly."

I laughed softly, "Where have I heard that before?" Lucille, every once in a while, reminded me of Alice, but they were also so different.

"Well," she said, "you were born a southern gentleman. So you will always be a southern gentleman."

Or she says something almost exactly as Alice would, or did, that is. She always called me a southern gentleman. No. I need to stop thinking like this. If I'm going to have feelings for this girl, which I know I do, they need to be for her, not the things about her that remind me of Alice!

"Um, Jasper, I hope you don't mind me wearing this," Lucille said as she placed her fingers gingerly on the ever-familiar cameo pendent. Now I recognized it! It had been my mother's, it was a family heirloom.

"No, you wear it well," I answered her. Blush crept up her neck and blossomed over her face. I noticed where the necklace lay: right in between the base of her neck and her… upper chest. I covered my face with my hand, "Not that I stare…"

I was surprised when her reaction was another quiet fit of laughs. I gave her a questioning look. "I didn't know vampires could be embarrassed," she giggled.

"Hey, we can feel a lot of things," I replied mock-defensively. Then I looked down and added softly, "Including what others are feeling…"

"What do you mean?" She was curious now, like her cat that was sitting on the stairs staring at me and had been the entire time I'd been here.

"I can feel what others are feeling and manipulate those feelings," I answered. I was afraid that the idea would scare her.

But her reaction was, "You're an empath? That's so cool! That means you have a gift, like me!"

"You have a gift?"

"Well, not a cool one, like say, seeing the future, but a horrible one. It's a curse really. When we make direct eye contact, if I tell you to do something, then you do it. No matter what, even if it kills you…"

Lucille was disgusted and ashamed of this statement. "Well, there are consequences to every gift. I'm sure it'll come in handy one of these days."

**-Lucille-**

We were interrupted by my cell phone ringing, which reminded me that the only reason I'd had to tell him anything was because of the blasted land line phone. I answered it, "Hello?"

"Hey Lucille, guess who?" a male voice asked from the other line. It got me an odd look from Jasper. Of course he could hear.

"Hi, Coeur! How's college?"

"Good, well, as good as school can get. How about that rainy little town?"

"Forks is looking a little brighter, actually. But I do miss the sun, and Tarius."

"I wonder if grandma and grandpa are giving that horse as much exercise as you did. Probably not. So what are you up to?"

"Watching a movie with a friend."

"That pen pal of yours? What was her name?"

"Lorna, and no, not her. I've made some other friends."

"Oh, so what's this one like."

"I think you'd like him."

"Him? Not liking him already. What's he like?"

"Well, he's really nice and, um… gentlemanly. It's almost as if he were raised in a more chivalrous time."

"Hmm, well, I guess that's alright… What's his name?"

"… Jasper."

"Like that guy whose journals you love so much."

"Yeah, exactly like him."

"Well, I guess I'll let you get back to your movie… That better be all—"

"Good bye, Coeur!"

"Bye, Lucille. Wait! Are you still having those nightmares about the vampire?"

"Not as much… They've kind of changed."

"Well, as long as it's getting better. Okay, later Little Sis."

"Bye, Big Brother."

I ended the call and returned my attention to Jasper. His face was worried. "Nightmares?"

"I usually have horrible nightmares about the vampire who killed my dad each night. They went away after moving here, but recently… The nightmares have changed. They even corrupt my good dreams," I whispered.

His face was still laced with concern. "I could help you with those…"

"How?"

"My gift. If I can keep you calm in your sleep then your dreams should be good."

"It makes sense, I guess. But doesn't that require you to stay here all night?"

"Yes… Yes, it does."

"But, don't yo—"

"I don't sleep."

"Ever?"

"Never."

"Oh, um, ok then…"

"If you're uncomfortable with the suggestion—"

"No, it's nice of you to offer." For the next few minutes the room was silent. Apparently the movie ended without us noticing. "Umm," I whispered after a long silence. "What _are_ we, then?"

"We are… Going out."

"We are?"

"Don't you want to be dating?"

"Well, that's not the point. Are you ready to be dating?"

"I've been alive for over three centuries; I think I can handle having a girlfriend."

"But what about your—"

"Lucille," he took my hand in his frozen one, "do you want me to formally ask you to be my girlfriend? Need I remind you that _you_ were the one confessing love earlier?"

"No, I guess not… I mean, you are coming back later, you'd have to be my boyfriend,"

"Am I?"

"Are you?"

"Yes, I am."

"Okay, then, now that that's settled…" I trailed off and bit my lower lip, so much had happen in a matter of one four hour movie.

Jasper released my hand about ten seconds before I heard a car pull in the drive way. "Well, I guess you get to meet my mom," I told him.

He smiled slyly, "Do you want me to ensure that she'll like me?"

"No gifts!" I stood up to get the movie out and Jasper began talking about the history project of ours. He was good at acting normal. This was the scene my mom walked into the house to.

"I'll assume Jasper's still here considering the fancy car out front," she said as she entered the house.

We both turned to her as if we hadn't realized she'd entered. "Yeah," I replied and pointed at him, "he's right here."

He stood up and nodded politely, "It's a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Chevalier. I'm Jasper Hale."

"The pleasure's mine," my mother responded. "Since I'm sure that Lucille hasn't cooked today, let's order pizza. Jasper you could stay and eat with us, if you'd like."

"I'm sorry," he gently declined, "I'm expected back for dinner at my house. I would love to stay some other day though."

"Some other day then," she said as she walked away from the door to give him space to leave.

He turned to me as he left the house, "Good bye, Lucille."

"Later, Jasper."

He did come back that night, and I didn't have a single nightmare.

This was our routine for the next couple of weeks: during the week he would drive me to and from school and he would stay during the night, Friday after school would be at either of our houses, and on the weekend we'd do whatever came to mind (but it usually included all of our friends, like Lorna). When it came time to turn in our projects we both got an A on the partner bit and the movie report.

On one Friday night, I was sitting on my bed talking to Jasper. We often did this, we had learned a lot about each other this way. We somehow came upon the topic of past relationships.

"You know," Jasper said to me, "you're the only other actual romantic relationship I've had other than my mate." He still didn't say her name, but could you blame him?

"Well, you're the first romantic relationship I've ever had."

"Really? I can hardly believe that."

"Everyone thought I was a lunatic back home. That puts a damper on dating plans."

"So you've never kissed anyone?" he asked. I shook my head no. Yeah, we haven't kissed yet. But I was giving him time to try to love me and to move on from his deceased mate. "Do you want me to kiss you?"

"That's not really the point. Are you ready to kiss me?"

"That seems rather reversed, doesn't it?"

"It is."

"Well, _that_ is not the point. So, do you want me to kiss you?" he repeated.

"Well, yeah, but—" I never got to finished as his lips were suddenly upon mine. They were like frozen stone, but at the same time so gentle. He waited for me to kiss back; I did. Our lips molded together perfectly somehow. His cold hands were on either side of my face, placidly holding it in place. My hands remained by my side as I wasn't sure where to put them.

But I was sure of something: This was the world's greatest first kiss!

**-End Chapter-**

Not the world's greatest place to end, but this is how it works in my head. But yay happy chapter!... The next chapter is called DELILAH... Dun Dun Duh! ... sorry

**R&R,please!**


	13. 10 Delilah

**To Love What One Fears—Chapter Ten: Delilah**

I apologize for the long wait. I was being a perfectionist and also battling writer's block at the same time. Personally, this chapter is much too short, especially with how long it took me to post.

**-Jasper-**

I have to say, I think I'm getting use to having a human girlfriend. And the kiss wasn't as hard as Edward had made it out to be. He always warned me about having to control myself because of the temptation and nearness to blood. Something he had called, "Enjoying the bouquet while resisting the wine."

But Lucille's scent wasn't like Bella's had been. It didn't smell tempting in the least; in fact, it was barely noticeable, if it was at all. Plus, other than an episode eighty years ago, I've gotten much more self-control. So I never really felt as if I was going to hurt Lucille. But I still know the reality of who we both are and the reality of my thirst. I could snap again. So I still made sure to be cautious.

It was now the last day of school before Christmas break. The last bell of the day rang and the students ran out of the classrooms, anxious to get to their cars and buses. I headed to my locker to retrieve my jacket. This was especially difficult with the students mostly moving in the opposite direction of me, plus I had to make sure I didn't touch any of them or try to push pass them.

It took me much longer than usual, but I finally made it out of the building. I headed for my car, smiling brightly. Lucille always waited for me by my car. I don't know how, but she never failed to beat me there.

My smile faded though, as I realized that she wasn't there. I waited for a few more minutes, but as the parking lot emptied and no one came out from the building, she still hadn't shown. I couldn't even smell her. Damn her unnoticeable scent! I have a bad feeling about this, but there's no reason to jump to conclusions.

I jumped into my car and quickly drove to her house. Maybe Lorna had driven her home. But she wasn't there. Next stop: Lorna's. Not there either. I called her cell and she didn't answer. This is not good! I drove home quickly to tell the others that Lucille was missing. It was times like this that Alice would have came in handy, but we would just have to find my new love on our own.

**-Lucille-**

The bell rang, signaling the end of the day. I hurried to my locker, pulled out my jacket, and pulled it on as I left the building. I was next to Jasper's car in no time. But as I stood there I suddenly felt a whim that was pulling me toward the not so far away forest.

I started heading for the trees. I don't know why I did this. Although the woods are peaceful, I wanted nothing but to be with Jasper right now. It was if I didn't have control.

Soon I was far into the woods, trees surrounding me for as far as I could see. My body finally stopped in a small clearing. The clearing was basically just a small circular area devoid of trees but enclosed by them.

A man was leaning against one wearing a hideous smirk. His skin was pale and I stared back at the glossy red eyes. Pure black hair flowed around his head. "Lucille, it's been awhile," he spoke. His voice was familiar; I had definitely heard it before. "Don't remember me? Well, that's okay. You didn't see me."

"But I do hope you remember me," a female voice said as its owner stepped into view. She smiled almost sweetly at me. Waves of dirty-blonde hair fell down to her waist and was pulled into a low, loose ponytail. Her dark red eyes gleamed at me.

Delilah! I took a step back.

"I see you do remember me." She threw a look at the man and he nodded.

I breathed in and out quickly, panicky. I stared at Delilah. I had had nightmares that she returned for me, to finish what she started. This was like they were coming true.

"Please, be calm, Lucille. We're not going to hurt you… Oh, well, at least we're not going to _kill_ you."

I tried to step back, to run away, but my body didn't move. I looked at the ground then back up at the vampires. The male smirked.

Delilah turned to him, "Is she trying to run away, Calder?"

"Yes, Love. But don't worry, she isn't going anywhere."

Something dawned on me. I turned to Calder, "You're controlling me, aren't you?"

"Smart girl. Our gifts are quite similar: You can make someone do anything so long as you're looking them in the eyes when you tell them to; I can make someone do anything so long as they're within a certain distance of me."

"There will be plenty of time to learn more about each other, so can we please get on with this before someone shows up?" Delilah asked impatiently.

"Of course, Love," Calder said.

"What are going to do? You're not going to kill me?" I asked, afraid.

"Oh, dear Lucille, we're not going to kill you, but you do have to die," she answered. And then she was instantly in front of me. She leaned closer and whispered with a devilishly excited expression, "I'm going to turn you!"

Was everything in my nightmares real? I had seen this coming, but I wrote it off as just another horrible dream. "Why?" I managed to breathe out. Maybe if I stalled long enough Jasper could find us.

Delilah sighed but spoke anyways, "Well about… Calder how long ago was it?"

"Around eighty years."

"Ah, right! Around eighty years ago we ran into your precious Cullens. And since then, my mate and I have wanted to try out their little family like coven. But we had to find the perfect people to add as our children. We didn't have any luck with this though, that is, until I saw you. I knew immediately that I wanted you to be the first edition to our little family. But you were just a child! You can't turn children, the outcome is horrid! So, we had to wait. And now here we are."

**-Jasper-**

When I got to my house I merely went inside long enough to tell Edward the situation through my thoughts and then I was back outside and in the woods. I didn't know where to go from here, but I didn't want to wait for them to come up with some plan.

I ran past the trees, they were blurry even with my vision because of my speed. Something caught my eye and I stopped. I stared at the apparition. I didn't think that vampires could hallucinate, but what I was staring at was definitely an hallucination. I was staring at Alice, but I wasn't. I knew she wasn't there, wasn't real.

She smiled at me softly before her face contorted into an expression of pure concern. She pointed at a direction off further into the woods. "This way. Lucille is this way," she told me, her voice merely a soft whisper.

I stared a little longer before running in the direction Alice, or rather my hallucinated Alice, pointed. I followed that direction until I saw her again and she pointed in another direction and repeated, "This way." This happened a few more times until she appeared and didn't point. I stopped and looked at her, but she simply disappeared.

Then a sickly familiar scent blasted against my senses. Delilah! And she's close.

**-Lucille-**

"Now," Delilah said from behind me, "the question is where to bite you. It leaves a scar, you know. You don't want it to be seen. Scars are so unsightly after all. So someplace inconspicuous, like your shoulder, perhaps. It is up to you."

I didn't respond, I couldn't respond. Fear shook my body and held my tongue.

"I don't think she cares, Love," Calder commented.

She laughed, "I think you're right. Well then, shoulder it is."

**-Jasper-**

I heard Delilah's voice say, "Welcome to our world, my soon to be daughter," somewhere to my left and I ran after the sound.

But I wasn't fast enough, in just a few short seconds a bloodcurdling scream rang out through the forest.

"Lucille!"

**-End Chapter-**

I really hated writing this chapter, another thing that played into the time it took to post. I'm also not going to like writing what I have planned for the next chapter, but Ill try to post sooner this time. It's called "**Alice**."

**R&R, please!**


	14. 11 Alice

**To Love What One Fears—Chapter Eleven: Alice**

Warning: This chapter includes blood, uncharacteristic cursing, spiteful she-vamps, and a horrible plot twist! I don't know whay I just gave you guys that warning, but okay... On with the chapter!

**-Lucille-**

I was living my nightmare. The dream of Jasper Delilah had invaded was now what had just happened.

She released me and I fell to my knees. My shoulder ignited into an inferno of pain. My hand clutched at it as if that would smother the flames that were eating at it. I could feel the blood beginning to flow from my veins to the surface of my skin.

I saw Jasper enter the clearing and come toward me through watery eyes. He was the last thing I saw before everything went black.

**-Jasper-**

Delilah smirked at me as she watched enter the small clearing. "Hello, Jasper. Come to crash our party?"

I ignored her and went straight to Lucille. Delilah moved next to Calder as I did this.

She was clutching her blood-soaked shoulder, shaking, and gasping for breath. She looked up at me as tears fell from her eyes. Her eyes closed slowly as she collapsed forward into my arms.

Then it hit me: the burning in my throat that my life with Maria had given me. The smell of her blood surrounded me. I have to get her to Carlisle quick, her wound's still bleeding and the venom will be eating at her body by now.

I tried to ignore the horrible sensation and turned to glare at Delilah. First she kills Alice and now this. "Didn't you already get your revenge Delilah? Or is this about the Southern Vampire Wars?"

She smirked, "I did get my revenge, but this isn't about my brother or you. You simply stumbled into my and Lucille's business."

"What business do you have with Lucille?"

"Didn't she tell you? I killed her father."

"You?"

"Yes, sir."

"You bitch! You murder her father in front of her and then you come after her! Well no more, this is the last time you're going to hurt her or anyone else, because you're dead!" Within one second, I placed Lucille gently on the ground and sprang up, ready to attack. In the next, my body stopped and fell abruptly onto the ground. I glared at Calder, I'd forgotten about his mind control.

"My, my, we have forgotten our manners, Major," she chuckled, chastising me. She snaked her arms around Calder, "Thank you for saving me."

"My pleasure, Love."

Delilah returned her attention to me. "The turning process really is grueling… Maybe she'd be more comfortable with you all… Well then, despite your rudeness, I'll let you watch our little Lucille for us. We'll return in a few days for her. Only if you agree, Calder." She turned her head to look at him and he nodded. "Then take good care of her. See you soon Jasper," she said as they both walked away.

I wanted to chase after them, to tear them apart, but I had to help Lucille. She was still bleeding, which wasn't normal. I had to get her to Carlisle. So as soon as I could move again, I pulled Lucille into my arms and picked her up. I was about to start running when Carlisle and Edward came into the clearing.

Carlisle ran over to us, "What happened?"

I looked at Edward, begging him to answer for me so I wouldn't have to breathe in the smell of blood. He did, "Delilah bit Lucille. She wants to turn her."

"Has she been bleeding like this since she was bit?"

"Yes. Carlisle, what about the venom?'

"We can't do anything about it until we stop this bleeding, or else her becoming a vampire won't be our problem. Let's take her home."

**-Lucille-**

I blinked my eyes open to a scene I wasn't expecting. There was a blue, cloudless sky above me and green grass and vibrant flowers surrounding my body as I lay on the ground.

"Am I dead?" I asked the air.

I was surprised when it answered, "No, just unconscious."

Then I realized who it was. "Alice? What happened?"

"What do you remember?"

"I was at the school parking lot waiting for Jasper, then I went into the woods and Delilah was there. That's it."

"She bit you, Luci."

"So that's why my shoulder is on fire…?"

"Just your shoulder?"

"Yep, otherwise I feel… almost normal." I turned my head to look at her, she looked confused. "What is it?"

"The burning should have spread by now…" she mumbled to herself.

I sat up, cringing at the pain it caused and also feeling a little light-headed. "Alice, what is it? What's wrong?"

She looked straight at me with an expression more serious than I'd ever seen her wear, "That bite should be turning you into a vampire, but the venom isn't spreading." She looked away and continued muttering, "This could explain why the wound kept bleeding. Her body must be rejecting the venom because… Of course! A little bit of vampire's already in her, she can't be turned. That must be it!"

"Alice! What are you talking about!"

She stared at me slightly wide-eyed for a few seconds and then sighed. "There's something I didn't tell you about myself. When I was still… _existing_… I was a vampire." She paused for my reaction, but I just stared at her like it was nothing. Truthfully, I had always wondered, I mean, I knew she couldn't have been normal.

"Okay then," she continued, "with my spirit within you, it means that there is a little bit of vampire in you. My theory is that that small piece of vamp is making your body reject the venom. Because you can't turn a vampire, or a part vampire, into a vampire. 'Cause it already is, even if not completely."

"So my body's pushing the infected blood out of the wound, that's why it kept bleeding?"

Alice nodded.

"So no vampirism?"

She shook her head.

I smiled, I was sure that I didn't want to be a vampire… But, Jasper is a vampire, he'll be frozen as a twenty-year-old forever, and eventually I'll grow old and die. That can't happen. Eventually, I'll have to be turned… But when?

"You don't need to worry about that yet," Alice said, knowing my thoughts. "You have over four years until you're twenty. So here's a rule: Don't worry about it until you're the same age as him."

I grinned at her and then looked away, adding, "It's a good thing he wasn't turned any younger."

"You really don't want to become a vampire, do you?"

I looked her straight in the eyes and spoke with a dead serious tone, "For Jasper, I'd do anything, even become a vampire. But there's no way in hell I'll become one for Delilah."

**-Jasper-**

I walked over to Carlisle. He was preparing to leave. He eyed me as I approached, "Good, you got cleaned up. Did you burn the shirts?"

The shirts in question were the one Lucille had been wearing (now she was wearing one of Rosalie's old ones that were going to be thrown out anyways) and the other I had been wearing as I carried her here. It had become covered with her blood, as had I.

"Yes."

Burning the shirts may seem drastic to most people, but to vampires, there is no way of getting blood out of things, especially not the smell.

"Good."

"Did everyone go out looking for Delilah?"

"Renesmee and Esme stayed. I'm going to get more blood. She lost so much… It's good that I happened to have some of her blood type already here. You can do whatever you think best."

I glanced into the living area where Lucille was currently laying on the couch. I hung my head. I should be staying here with her, but the exposure to so much blood has left my throat burning. I knew my eyes were darker then they had been.

I raised my head to look at him and answered, "I'll go hunt for her, and maybe a meal." He nodded and continued his way out the door.

I walked over to Lucille and stroked her face. I growled inwardly. I can't believe that I let this happen, that I let Delilah bite her. Now she's turning into a vampire and losing all of the rest of her normal life. I gazed at her face as I fumed at myself. She wore an almost relaxed and pleasant expression. She hadn't moved or screamed or writhed in pain like most people do during the turning process.

I remember when Bella was changed she never screamed or gave any notion that she was in pain. But her body had been rigid, tense, and her face was always contorted in agony. So what's different about Lucille?

The burn in my throat flared again and reminded me of my need to feed. I didn't want to leave her side, I knew I shouldn't, but I'd be no good to anyone if I starved myself. And besides, I also had another target.

**-Lucille-**

-A few hours after Jasper left-

I blinked my eyes open to yet another scene I wasn't expecting. I was staring at a ceiling. It took me a few seconds to realize that I was in the Cullen's living room.

"Lucille?" This time Renesmee was sitting next to me. "How do you feel? Well that's a dumb question, isn't it? You're in pain, that's what the change is like."

"There's some," I said, sitting up gingerly. "Basically just my shoulder, that's it."

"Just your shoulder?" Esme asked coming to stand next to me.

Oh, right, just a vampire's bite changes you. My entire body should feel like it's on fire right now. "Um, yeah, the rest of me feels normal. I'm a little light-headed though."

She placed her hand on my forehead. "During the change, a human's temperature rises rapidly and then gradually gets lower until it reaches the temperature of a vampire. At this stage your temperature should still be above a normal human temperature, but instead it _is_ a normal human temperature."

"Maybe I'm not turning into a vampire," I suggested, knowing I wasn't, but not sure how to convince her of that. "Really, I feel fine. Normal even." I stood up to help prove my point. I regretted that choice as it sent my head reeling. Guess I'm still woozy from the loss of blood.

She stared at me, and she continued to stare as Carlisle, Edward, and Bella all walked into the room.

Esme was still staring and Carlisle noticed. "Esme, what is it?"

She looked at him. "She… isn't turning," she said it slowly, like she didn't believe it. She probably didn't.

I felt all eyes turn to me. I really hated when they did this. I found it embarrassing that I was the center of attention and creepy that they always looked at me in unison. I blushed and looked at the ground as I always did.

"Well, she can still blush," Renesmee commented, "so she has to be normal."

"But how?" Carlisle asked, most likely intending the question for himself and not the rest of the room.

Alice's theory flashed into my mind. I should tell them, but how do I explain a psychic mentor at a time like this? Especially since I've never mentioned Alice before…?

"Perhaps it's due to the loss of blood," Edward suggested. I always forget that he can read minds. Which means…? Did he just save me?

"You think that the venom left with the blood instead of infecting the rest?" Carlisle inquired. Edward nodded, looking at both Carlisle and me almost at the same instant. I knew this meant that he was answering 'yes' to both of our questions.

"That's the only explanation I can think of that's actually plausible," Carlisle agreed. "That must be why."

The entire room continued to stare at me. I fidgeted under their eyes until Renesmee saved me by saying, "Why don't we go find you something that fits you better now that you're feeling better?"

I looked down and noticed for the first time that I wasn't wearing the same shirt as before. Of course that was soaked through with blood. I also noticed that my shoulder had been bandaged up. Carlisle probably did that after he stopped the bleeding in case it started again.

I nodded at Renesmee and followed her up the stairs. As I did so, I heard Esme say, "Carlisle, we should go find Jasper and tell him what's happened." I heard him agree and them leave.

I returned my focus back to Renesmee as I followed her down the hallway. I'd been down this hall many times when I hung out with Renesmee in her room. I'd been told where each door lead, except for one. I stopped by it. It seemed to be calling me. Like I was supposed to know what lay behind it.

Renesmee noticed my hesitation and turned around, "What is it Luci?"

"Where does this door lead?"

She looked at it for a second as if trying to decide if she should tell me or not. She must have chose to because she laughed softly and said, "Truthfully, it's just a closet. Well, a really big one. It was a spare room, but she decided she needed more room for clothes and so it became hers."

"She?"

"Jasper's mate."

"So she was obsessed with clothes?"

"I don't know if I'd say that. She just liked being fashionable… And she loved silk."

I nodded and smiled, "Silk is good."

She laughed with me. She then bit her lip and squinted at me, "You know, you look like her size. Just a bit taller…" She looked toward the stairs and then back at me. "I'm probably going to get in trouble for this… But come on."

She opened the door, grabbed my wrist, and pulled me inside before closing the door again. The action probably only took two seconds, tops.

It was definitely a spare room at one point, and a good sized one at that! The massive space was filled with racks of hanging clothes. A vanity sat in the back corner, the mirror was spotless and hair supplies, jewelry, and framed photos sat on its surface. I couldn't believe someone needed a closet this size.

"Wow," Renesmee whispered, "pretty clean considering I thought no one had been here for a _really_ long time." She just shrugged her shoulders and began looking through the clothes. "I know we can find something that you'll like.

I joined her, taking another row of racks. I found it strange when I thought I recognized some of the dresses and out fits. I halted and my breath caught in my chest when I found a very familiar grey dress. A small frill lined the underneath of the bust, below that was an intricate off-white design, and the bottom of the dress was covered by layers of small ruffles. It was quirky and probably one-of-a-kind. It was also one of Alice's favorite dresses. She wore it all the time in my dreams.

I took the dress off the rack and stared at it for at least a few minutes. I had no clue what this could mean… Well I had an idea.

I turned to Renesmee, "Um, Renesmee?"

"Yeah," she responded without looking away from the clothes.

"Can you tell me about her? About Jasper's mate?"

She looked up, but not at me, past me. She was looking into the past. She smiled, "She was eccentric, bubbly, and always optimistic. She had a gift."

"Did she? What?"

Renesmee looked at me now, "She could see future."

"That's so cool…"

"Yeah, came in handy too. You know, there might be a picture of her on the vanity." Renesmee flashed to the piece of furniture and picked up one of the frames. "Right here."

She handed me the photograph. Yep, that was Alice. The Alice I was reincarnated from and the Alice that was Jasper's mate. This was getting weird, definitely weird.

I was too transfixed by this revelation that I didn't notice when Renesmee took the dress I was holding out of hands. I did notice, however, when she said, "This would look so good on you! Try it on!"

"Try it on?"

"Please, for me." She smiled that stupid broad grin of hers. Why is it that no one can say no to Renesmee when she uses this particular grin?

"Fine." She left the room and I changed into the dress. I looked into the full-length mirror that resided on one of the walls. I stared at the reflection. It did look good on me. But that wasn't really what I noticed.

As I stared at the reflection, I couldn't help but think that I looked a lot like Alice. I pulled my hair up in a manner that made it look short. Yep, in this dress, even with the black cowboy boots, I looked so much like Alice it was scary. I let my hands fall to my side. I fought back the tears that threatened to fall.

I opened the door to the hallway so Renesmee could see; I had done this for her. She seemed to think that it looked good until she noticed the pained expression I was wearing. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head, "I guess the shock finally hit me. Do you think I could go home?"

"I guess, but Jasper hasn't even gotten back yet."

"I'm kind of tired and I'll be more comfortable at my house."

"That's true…"

Edward came up the stairs at that time. "If you want to go, I'll drive you."

I just nodded absently and followed him back down the staircase. I stopped halfway down though, as I realized I was still wearing Alice's dress. I was about to turn around and go back and change when Edward said, "Just wear the dress for now, if you want to return it, you can give it back later."

I nodded in reply; I did want to get home as soon as possible right now. At the bottom of the stairs, Bella handed me the jacket I somehow managed to leave here the other day, and was now thankful that I had. I pulled it on as I continued to follow Edward into the garage and into his car.

The first few minutes of the ride were silent as I tried to collect my thoughts and contain my feelings. The biggest question in my head right now was why didn't Alice tell me? Then I turned to Edward.

"You knew this entire time, didn't you?" I asked him.

"I wasn't sure it was the same Alice at first, but essentially, yeah."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It wasn't my place. If Alice didn't tell you, then why should I?"

I sighed; I guess he has a point. It really isn't his business.

"Unfortunately, I hear a lot of things that aren't my business," he grumbled to himself.

We finally arrived at my house and I jumped out of the vehicle as soon as it had stopped. I turned back to my driver, "Tell Jasper that he doesn't have to come here when he gets back. I just want to sleep for a while. I'll call him when I'm feeling better."

Edward gave me a strange look before nodding. I headed for the front door and he pulled out of the driveway.

**-Jasper-**

I was on my way back when Esme and Carlisle caught up to me. I stopped to meet them. "Is Lucille okay?" I asked instantly thinking that something might be wrong.

"No, she is fine," Esme answered. "In fact she is better than fine."

"Better?"

They shared a look and Carlisle replied, "Yes, she's human, and she's staying human."

I shook my head, "But Delilah bit her!"

"We think that the amount of blood she lost also took the venom out of her system."

"Is she awake then?"

Esme nodded, "She was when we left. Renesmee was just taking her to find something better to wear."

She was still human, what a relief. I know she doesn't want to become a vampire. "Let's go then." I couldn't wait to see her. To apologize for not being there. And just to hold her and help her past the shock of the return of her father's murderer.

But when we got there, she wasn't.

"She wanted to go home, so Edward drove her," Bella explained.

"She said she was tired and would be more comfortable there," Renesmee added.

I nodded, that was understandable. I'll just head over there shortly. Edward walked in at about that moment and I turned to him, "How is she?"

"She's a bit shaken. She said that she's going to try and sleep for a bit and that she'd call you when she felt better," he answered.

"Does that mean she doesn't want me coming over?" Edward shrugged, but I knew that the motion meant yes.

Why doesn't she want me there?

**-Lucille-**

As soon as I was inside, I hurried up to my room and changed out of Alice's dress and into pajamas. I sank down onto my bed, praying for sleep so I could talk to Alice.

I got my wish as I walked out from the trees and into the meadow. Its usual sunny sky was overcast and the perfect weather had turned into a drizzle of rain. Alice still stood in the middle, but her smile was now a look of concern. I walked over to her, unsure of what was going to happen.

"Luci, are you okay?" Alice asked as soon as I was close to her.

I stared at her and my voice shook some as I ignored her question and asked my own, "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me you were Jasper's mate?"

"Because, I thought you might freak out. Like you kind of are."

"I'm the reincarnation of his mate!" I stated more to myself than her.

"So? Should that mean anything?"

"I don't know. I just… I just don't want my relationship with Jasper to be based off of what you two had."

"Why would it be?"

"Alice, you've been in my head since I was born!"

"But I don't have anything to do with your thoughts or how you think or anything like that."

"And I look like you and act like you. I know I do."

"We both know that Jasper would never have feelings for you because you remind him of me! He would never let himself do that!"

"I know that. I don't doubt him."

"So you doubt yourself?"

"No. I don't know. I don't know what I think any more. I love him, but is that me or you?"

She looked down at the ground and whispered in a sad voice, "I knew eighty years ago that you would find him. That he'd be okay at some point. That he'd be happy again. That's why I could accept dying." She looked up and held my gaze. "I knew eighty years ago… But it can change. Please, don't change it!

"Alice," I said softly. "What do you mean?"

**-End Chapter-**

So you guys are probably hating Lucille right now, right? Hope everyone like this insanely long chapter!

**R&R, please!**


	15. 12 Vision

**To Love What One Fears—Chapter Twelve: Vision**

Wow... I haven't updated in forever... I really do apologize for that! I have so many excuses that you probably have no interest in hearing... well reading. Anyways, here's the next chapter. It's around 4,000 words if that helps make things better...

**-Lucille-**

"_I knew eighty years ago that you would find him. That he'd be okay at some point. That he'd be happy again. That's why I could accept dying. I knew eighty years ago… But it can change. Please, don't change it!"_

"_Alice. What do you mean?"_

Her eyes were sad as she spoke, "Before I was killed, I had a vision. I saw many things in that vision. They were just flashes of the distant future, but they meant everything…" She trailed off, her voice growing softer with each word until it stopped.

I waited for her to continue, and after a few moments she said, "It would be difficult to explain, so I'll just show you."

The world whirled around me until the meadow we had been standing in was replaced with a thick forest. The woods were dark around us and rain fell heavily, but I couldn't feel it. I noticed something approaching our spot. Alice placed her hand on my arm, the touch colder than even Jasper's.

Alice emerged from the trees, though the cold touch was still on my arm. She looked around frantically, an almost wild look on her face. I knew that look. I'm sure I've worn that look before. She was searching for Jasper, desperately.

I glanced at the spirit beside me. She stared straight ahead; the usual light gone, leaving her eyes dull. If she didn't want to relive this, she didn't have to. The corners of her lips twitched upward slightly and she whispered, "Yes. I do."

I returned my gaze to the scene before me as Delilah stepped out from behind a tree. With a semi-snarled, "They're not here now Alice, you ran too far off on your own. Whatever will you do without your family?"

"And to what do I owe this displeasure?" Alice replied, glaring at the red-eyed murderer.

"A funeral actually. Yours."

Alice growled in a way I'd never thought she could and crouched down, ready to leap at the other she-vamp. I glanced around at the scene, noticing that something, or someone, was missing.

Delilah laughed, "You won't be attacking me." Calder appeared from the shadows at this time and went to his mate. Every piece of the puzzle fit right then. Calder used his ability to make Alice, without her even realizing it, leave the rest of the Cullens and now… she was trapped. I knew what came next.

The last thing I saw was Delilah heading for Alice, then a bright light flashed in front of me and the scene had changed. A bonfire blazed in front of us. At first, I was confused, but then I realized that fire must be the how a vampire is killed. My eyes were wide as I stared at the dancing, murderous flames. My body went completely cold and the horrible fire gave me no warmth.

Then the Cullens, with Jasper in the lead, arrived at the gruesome scene. Jasper's eyes found the twisting tendrils of orange; yellow; red, and blue, and his face contorted into a look of pure horror. I turned from the vision with my eyes finally closed. I couldn't bear to watch Jasper's grief. I tried to shut out the cry of despair that surrounded us and echoed through the forest.

"Keep your eyes closed, you don't need to watch the next bit," Alice said beside me. I did as I was told, but my ears still tuned to the noise around me. The quiet of the forest was gone, the sound of distant voices and many cars traveling on a road near by over-taking it. The sounds of a city. "Thankfully it gets better after this. You might like what comes next," she tried to talk through whatever scene was playing. But the sound of running footsteps attacked my ears and was followed by a slightly muffled scream.

It didn't take much to figure out what had happened. Jasper must have attacked a human, that's why Alice doesn't want me to watch it. He had probably starved himself due to his grief, and then, well, he snapped and this happened. But that was just my mind taking a leap.

Jasper, poor Jasper. I can't even imagine what he has gone through. To lose the very person who your entire existence was contingent on. The person that you would be lost without, your soul mate. You would feel only sorrow for as long as you lived.

"But you are his chance to be happy again," Alice's voice came, interrupting my thoughts. "You're his chance to love again!"

"But Alice, I'm reincarnated from you. Doesn't that mean that, through me, you two are together again?"

"No! We are not the same person! We are two different spirits, two separate souls. _You _and Jasper are together; I'm not in the equation at all. You are most definitely not me; you just coincidentally picked up a few of my traits. Now, pay attention, the next part happened quite recently. "

Alice is right; we aren't the same at all. And hadn't I made the distinction that I wasn't truly reincarnated from her before?

I returned my gaze to the scene around me. We were now standing in the hallway outside of the counselor's office in Forks High. Jasper walked in and moments later I walked out of the room. This is what Alice meant; she knew before she died that Jasper and I would meet. I watched the scene play out. My face didn't betray the fear I had felt, but I stood rigidly and almost leaned away from him slightly. I have changed a lot since then. But it still didn't help when Delilah came. That thought came with the next, which Delilah invaded. What had happened just the day before now played in front of me.

"One last scene now," Alice said, "and this one happens in the very near future."

**-Jasper-**

Waiting is probably the worst thing in the world to do. It really hadn't been that long, an hour at most, but even to a vampire it can feel like an eternity.

I tried not to notice as members of my family occasionally glanced over at me sitting with my arms crossed in the seat closest to the front door. Most of the feelings in the room were either sympathetic or indifferent, but Renesmee was feeling something else. Guilt

I didn't really feel like talking to her, but she looked over the most frequently. "Renesmee, is there something you want to say?"

"Well," she started, "I think it's my fault she left."

"It's not your fault," Edward soothed her while I asked why.

She quickly described taking Lucille into Alice's closet and answering her questions. "You told her about Alice?"

"She asked. After I told her, she, um, left."

I had a feeling she was leaving something out, but I was distracted by the phone, which was ready in my hand, ringing. I answered before the first ring ended, "Hello."

"Hi," came Lucille's small voice.

Instantly the around me vanished and I focused only on the sound of her voice. "How are you?" I asked, not completely sure what to say.

"Much better now, just still somewhat confused."

"I think we all are confused," I told her.

"No," she said definitely, "not about my not being turned into a vampire or even anything to do with Delilah, but something else completely. But I understand it more now than I did before I left."

"So this has something to do with…" I trailed off. If she had somehow gotten upset about Alice, should I remind her?

"Alice?" she finished. "Yes, but not what you think." This statement genuinely perplexed me. I wasn't even sure what I thought she was upset about. She sighed somberly and then said, "It'll be better to talk about it here." In a soft whisper she added, "Please come here."

Expectedly, I had a much better feeling about being asked to come than when she didn't want me there. I told her I'd be there soon, stood, shoved my phone into my pocket, thought about taking my car, decided against it, and was then rushing through the forest at my fastest running speed all in less than a minute and a half.

When I arrived at her house I slowed down and stopped. Her balcony-like window was closed so I let my self in through the back door quietly. I then hastily went up the stairs to her room, stopping just inside the doorway. Lucille was sitting on her bed, leaned up against the head board. Pisces, her cat, was curled up on her lap and she stroked him absently.

Lucille looked up as I stepped further into the room and the feline jumped up and fled from the room. I walked over to the side of the bed and sat down. She looked worried, determined, sad, and angry all at the same time. She placed her warm hand over my ice cold one, "There's something I have to tell you, but I don't know how to." I didn't reply, but instead stared into her face, waiting for her to continue. She sighed, again, and then explained something about how psychics are born with the spirit of a past psychic within them to be their mentor.

Then she started to describe her mentor to me. "Mine is really cool. She's very unique and bubbly. Great fashion sense. Short brown hair, brown eyes, when they're not gold. But, the coolest thing is her gift: Premonitions."

"Alice," the muted whisper escaped my lips. I continued to stare at her face, which didn't change. She nodded. My mind whirled with realization. This was exactly why she was upset. She thought that I… didn't love her, for her. She thought I only loved Alice, or maybe the way she sort of like Alice.

I ignored every warning that Edward had ever told me and pulled Lucille into my arms. I held onto her as tightly and as close to me as I could without hurting her. "I know what you're thinking," I whispered in her ear, "and I have noticed the little things that you do that remind me of her. But if I ever let myself feel this way because of that, I could never live with the guilt. I would being doing wrong onto so many people, myself, Alice, but… most importantly, you. I could never forgive myself for doing that to you, and Alice. I could never accept lying like that."

Her breath shook, "I know." I moved her so I could look into her face again. It wore less emotion than before, in fact, it looked drained and exhausted. She swallowed and then said faintly, "I was worried that I… That I became so completely infatuated with you because… of… Alice." She looked away from me as she spoke, but she flicked her eyes back to mine. "But I know that I was wrong to worry. I know how I feel about you and it's not going to change."

I smiled at her and pushed as delicate lock of brown hair out of her face, putting it behind her ear. "That's good to hear, because I don't think I could handle losing someone else, especially you." She looked away again as blush crept up her neck, blossoming bright pink on her face.

**-Lucille-**

I looked back at Jasper once I felt some of the heat left my cheeks. His face was content, but still slightly sad. His eyes shined gold in the dim lighting of the room as the moon rose outside. His hands still rested on my shoulders, the cold seeped into my skin, but I didn't mind. I held his gaze for a few more moments before looking away.

I tried to keep my voice steady, "Delilah, she took someone from both of us. My dad and Alice."

"You're right. And don't worry, I won't let her take you," he said with a strange voice. I nodded in response, deciding to tell him the plan Alice and I came up with when we're back with the rest of his family.

I glanced over at the clock beside my bed and was surprised to see that Jasper had been here for hours and it was going on eleven p.m. He followed my gaze and then stood up. Stroking my hair, he whispered, "I'll let you get some more sleep." He walked over and sat down in the chair that had become his dwelling during his nightly stays.

I watched him sit down the way I watched him sometimes and he smiled. I turned away and laid down, pulling the covers up over my face that was covered in blush the same way it always was when he caught me staring.

* * *

I opened my eyes in a panicked, manner, but tried not to move so I didn't alarm Jasper. I couldn't close my eyes without seeing those red eyes and actually falling asleep brought nightmares so much worse than they ever were before. I sighed and sat up, receiving a worried look from Jasper. Instead of responding to his obvious though unspoken question, I got out of the bed and walked over to him. He stood and observed me closely. "Nightmares?" I nodded. "Here I thought that I was helping," he sighed.

"You have been helping," I told him, "but now when I just close my eyes I see hers." He pulled me into his arms again and I leaned my head against his shoulder. I relaxed quickly under his touch as if his power was magnified by proximity.

And perhaps it was…

I wrapped my arms tightly around his waist and took a small step backward, hoping he'd know to follow my lead. He hesitated slightly before matching my step. I took another step and he followed suit. I know that I could just ask him to do what I planned, but I couldn't find a way to say it without it being too embarrassing. I continued to take small steps back until I reached the side of my bed. I then released my hold on his waist and sat down.

He sat down on the comforter next to me. "Do you want to tell me about the nightmares?"

I looked down at the carpet somberly, but in a dismissive voice said, "It was mostly just Delilah… And fire, lots of fire." I scooched over to the far side of the bed and slid under the covers. Jasper watered me, never moving from his spot. I rested my head on my hands and stared up at the plain, white ceiling. "I don't know if I can go to sleep if the nightmares comeback."

"Well, I don't think I'm much help," he said.

"I felt completely relaxed when I was in your arms," I stated softly. Truthfully, it was meant to just be a thought, but the words slipped out. I could already feel my face growing warm.

I saw him smirk. "Really?" he asked, turning around on the bed. "Then it is my obligation to help you ma'am." He let his southern accent sneak into his words and it sent my heart racing. He smirked again and pulled me, cover and all, into his lap. He wrapped his arms around me and pressed his lips against the top of my head. "Is this better?" In response I shifted slightly and leaned against his chest.

He tightened his grip a little, "We'll get through this. My family can deal with Delilah and Calder. And _we_ will be okay."

I tilted my head to the side and up to look at him, "I know. I have no doubt that things are going to be fine. I know that we will beat Delilah."

He stared into my eyes, "Are you not afraid?"

"Not right now," I answered without skipping a beat.

He sighed. "That won't help later. It won't help if I'm not there." His eyes locked onto my shoulder and he slowly and carefully pushed the fabric of my pajama top back. His thumb traced the outline of the scar that had already formed. "I shouldn't have let this happen," he whispered in a sad tone.

"Jasper, I'm fine."

"You could have died; worse, you could have been turned by Delilah!"

"But neither of those things happened. I'm alive and human. And I'm tired," I added and pulled myself out of his grip and laid back down.

"You understand my need to protect you, don't you?"

"Yes, I do. So be my protector and stay by my side all night." He continued to just stare so I mouthed the words, 'lie down,' to him. He watched me tentatively for a short moment before complying with my wishes.

**-Jasper-**

I listened to what she said, lying down on the comforter. I stayed toward the other far side of the bed. She gave me a slightly annoyed look and scooted herself next to me. "The point was for me to be in your arms," she said as she reached over, grabbed my arm, and then drew it around her.

I smiled at her insistence. Usually, she was very cautious about our interactions, whether it was because she wasn't sure if I was ready, or if she wasn't. Out of the (around) two months we'd been together, it took nearly all of it for us to finally kiss, which I'm almost positive is not a normal length of time.

I felt her relax and her breathing came in a shallow, regular beat and I knew that she'd fallen asleep. She looked peaceful for a change as she dreamt of things I could never be sure of. Sometimes they were nightmares and sometimes they were not. I always asked about the nightmares so I was aware of all the horrible things that haunted her in her dreams, but I didn't know what good things came to her when she slept. I asked a few times about the good dreams, her answer was either a smile and, "I just saw a friend," or blush rushed to prominence on her face and she looked away in that adorable way she does when it had something to do with me. So her sweet dreams were about me and her friend…

Alice. That was the only answer I could think of. Lucille did say that the psychics and their mentors communicate through dreams. She talked to Alice in her dreams. Of course, this situation explains so much. All those little things that were like were because she actually picked them up from her. Which means Alice is very aware of what is going on between Lucille and me. That idea is the strange one. Alice knows everything we do. But it is nice to think that she is still watching over me. Does he approve of my new relationship? Does she support Lucille's feelings for me? There are so many questions I would like to ask her.

I stopped my thoughts there. I couldn't get caught up in the prospect of talking to Alice! She, as much as it hurts, is dead, and she isn't going to exist again. Even though Lucille can communicate with her soul, I can't ask her to talk to Alice for me. It wouldn't be fair to her. Besides, I'm sure Alice's spirit won't stay with Lucille forever.

**-Lucille-**

The next morning I with a smile on my face. I sighed happily as I felt Jasper's arm still around me. I cuddled closer to him, turning so I rested my head on his chest and my arm wrapped itself around his torso. The last few days were gone from my mind and it was caught completely up in Jasper and the amazing dream I was able to have in his arms.

Jasper chuckled, "Comfortable?" I blushed and nodded against him. The truth was that the cold no longer bothered me, in fact, as the low temperature seeped into my skin, it felt great. Jasper would come in handy on a hot summer night in Texas. He chuckled again as my face grew redder at the thought I'm glad he didn't know.

I wriggled out of his grip and sat up, stretching like a cat. I smiled at Jasper in a dazed, half-asleep way and climbed off my bed and headed for my bathroom. I closed the door firmly behind me; it didn't like to close. I turned to analyze myself in the mirror. I looked a lot less crumpled than usual. My hair still hung relatively straight down past my shoulders, normally it would have become rather wavy and messy. And my pajamas looked a lot less wrinkled.

As I finally began to recall the nightmare-ish past two or three days, I stepped closer to the mirror. The scar shone silver against my almost tan skin. I lifted my hand to feel the score. The marks were mere rises and depressions in my skin. A small reminder of a large wound. I turned away from the mirror and the images of blood that were stealing away my good mood.

I took a short shower to rinse away the blood my mind made me feel was still coating my shoulder. After I'd washed my hair and dried myself off, I ran the straitener through my hair a few times, changed into the clothes I had already laid out, and applied the little amount of make-up I wore. I stared into the mirror again. I was happy to see that the scar was hidden by my shirt.

I returned to the bedroom and hesitated slightly at the doorway to look around the room for him. Jasper was at my bookshelf looking at the numerous novels and volumes that lined its shelves. He grazed his fingers across their spines as he quickly read the titles. As I walked over to him he pulled out a book.

"Are these actually interesting?" he asked, holding up one of the journals.

I leaned against the bookshelf and nodded. "They're really detailed. But you wanted someone to read them, right?" He raised an eyebrow at me. I cleared my throat and began to quote, with a stronger Texan accent than I usually allowed myself to use, a passage from the first journal, "I only wish that someone, in a distant future, will read this. That perhaps I could teach someone else what living in this time was like. So, for that purpose, I will try to describe events and everyday life with great detail. To the person who finds this, I hope you will appreciate it."

He smiled, "You memorized it?"

"I memorized all of them, to some extent."

He laughed quietly, "So, do you appreciate all of my hard work on them?"

"You could say that I do."

**-End Chapter-**

So the ending flowed kinda funny, but whatever. I'm not too sure about the journal excerpt, but once again, whatever. It's as good as it's going to get. Again, sorry for taking so long please don't hate me... Oh I also want to say one thing about Lucille's little "Jasper sleep by my side" thing, when she first thinks up the idea at "And perhaps it was..." I so wanted to put, insert mischevious smirk here, but she would never have an expression like that... Ok ranting done.

**Please review! it helps me stay motivated and keeps away the evil writer's block beast!**


	16. 13 Reactions

**To Love What One Fears — Chapter Thirteen: Reactions**

So, I'm really sorry about how long it's been taking me to update. I'm also warning you that there's probably more than a few typos or general errors because I really want to post this and there's homework I really should be doing...

**-Jasper-**

I found myself enjoying this peaceful atmosphere. Our troubles were forgotten as we merely stared contently at each other. No Delilah, no worry of Alice, just us.

My cell phone rang and murdered the mood. I dug it out of my pocket and hit the accept button, "Hello?"

"Jasper, how is she?" Renesmee asked.

"She's fine."

"Fine?"

"Yes, she got a good night's sleep, and the shock seems to be gone."

"And she's-"

"Still very human."

"Okay," she let out a long sigh of relief. "Are you guys coming back today?"

"Of course, what else would we do all day?" I asked, my tone a little icy.

"Well-"

"Goodbye Renesmee." I pressed the end button and replaced the phone in my pocket.

"Are they worried?" Lucille asked.

I pulled her close to me and pressed my lips to the top of head, "A little. We should go." I let go of her and took a step toward the door.

"Jasper," she whispered. I stopped and turned to her. She looked down for a second, then she reached up, placed her warm hand on my face, and gently pressed her lips to mine. She pulled away and smiled, "Now we can go." I smiled in return and let her lead me down the stairs.

She hesitated at the bottom of the stairs when she heard her mother in the kitchen. I leaned in toward her and whispered, "Don't worry, she thinks I got here a few minutes ago."

She turned around, "When?"

"When you went to get dressed, I went and got my car."

"And she let you go up to my room?"

"Yep. An d you already have permission to come over again today."

She glared, "You used your powers on her, didn't you?"

"Of course not," I replied, "I also happen to be naturally charming."

She rolled her eyes at me as she bounded off to the kitchen to say goodbye to her mom before we drove back to my house.

**-Lucille-**

I was greeted at the Cullen house by Renesmee throwing her arms around my neck and her squealing, "Luci!"

"Can't breathe," I gasped, mostly losing oxygen from laughing at her enthusiasm.

"Sorry," she stated as she pulled away. She looked down, "I thought I might have made you upset."

"What? Why?" I wondered, yesterday's episode long forgotten.

She stared at me whispered, "Alice."

"Oh," I sighed, "don't worry about that."

"So you're okay?"

"We've worked out any issues," I responded. She nodded and I smirked to myself knowing that I was referring to Alice and myself, where as she probably thought I was referring to Jasper and me. I don't know why this amused me.

I followed her into the living area where everyone was already gathered. Jasper sat down on one of the couches and I sat next to him. Carlisle stood up from his spot next to Esme. "We are all happy that Lucille is alright, but now we have to be prepared. Delilah must be dealt with," he stated.

"We haven't caught a trail that doesn't just stop," Jacob responded. "How do we know where she is or when she'll attack?"

"Today's the third day," Jasper said darkly, "she wants to come retrieve Lucille." He wound his arm around me in a protective manner as he spoke.

"She won't come today," I commented without thinking. I received a few questioning looks, but what could I say? Alice had a vision?

Emmet was just opening his mouth to voice his question when Edward calmly agreed. "I think she'd right." The looks shifted to him. "Delilah wants a fully changed vampire. She'd most likely wait until she's positive that the transformation was complete."

"So she'll be around tomorrow?" Emmett asked. Edward nodded.

The room was silent for a few minutes before Jake said, "There's nine of us, we can take her, we just need a plan to trap her."

"Wait guys." I somehow pulled out of Jasper's grip and stood up. For once, I didn't flinch or feel uncomfortable when all eyes turned to me. "Jake is on the right track, but you're leaving out Calder. He's a big threat. He's faster and stronger than some of you, not to mention that his gift is a form of mind control. On top of that, he'll do everything in his power to give Delilah anything she wants."

"You have an idea," Edward stated, once again helping me.

"Yes. I don't know how to properly explain, but I know what's going to happen tomorrow and ho things have to work for us to win. I'm asking you not to ask questions and to just trust me." I waited for a round of skeptical nods and then continued. "Another thing Jake left out is that there's ten of us, not nine."

"Lucille you're—"

"Jasper, please, you know where this is coming from. You trust it, right?" He looked away but nodded. "Thank you. Now here's what I suggest we do…"

**-Jasper**-

I listened to her plan without interrupting again. She was right; I trusted Alice's visions (no matter how weird this situation is). Still, this plan worries me. Alice doesn't control her visions though; they're based on others' decisions. Whether Lucille knows it or not, her choices are what are going to let us beat Delilah.

I watched her as she spoke. She was strong, willful, and had absolutely no fear. It was a complete change from the usual shy, timid Lucille we were used to.

Lucille paused long enough for Renesmee to turn to me, "Are you going to let her do this?"

I looked at Lucille, then back at Renesmee, "Like she said, I trust the source."

"I'm sorry," Jacob blurted out, "I know you said not to ask questions, but what, or who, exactly is this _source_?"

Lucille hesitated, but then looked to Edward and me, "What do you guys think, should we tell them?"

Edward shrugged, "I don't know." He was feeling reluctant about it.

I, on the other hand, felt like taking a risk. "Let's see," I said, standing up. I looked each of my family members in the eye and then stated, "Alice. Alice is how she knows."

**-Lucille-**

Esme was the first to respond, "Alice? Our Alice?"

"It's hard to explain," I replied, "but basically, I carry her soul and she can share her visions with me." I was met with silence, but I didn't wish to go into too great of detail about my odd relationship with Alice.

"You carry her soul?" Renesmee broke the silence.

"Yeah, it's complicated—"

"How does she show you her visions?"

"Through dreams."

"So you've seen her?" I nodded. "And that's why you freaked out in her closet; you recognized her."

"Um, yeah," I responded slowly, looking down. I shook my head, "Well this is very off topic, we need to stay focused."

"She's right," Edward stated. "We know what to do about Delilah, and we know that this plan is going to work. Now, what about Calder? You already said that Jake was forgetting him."

"Well, Alice didn't see Calder, but that does give me an idea," I replied.

"Me," Jacob said before I had a chance to continue. "Alice can't see me, so if I'm the one who kills him then she wouldn't have seen him."

I nodded, "And I may have a solution to his power. He controls minds by focusing his on someone else's. I have a feeling that he can only focus on one at a time."

"So if we gang up on him, he can only hold one of us back," Emmett stated. "So, now that we know what's going on, what do we do until then?"

"Prepare," Carlisle answered, "and well."

"In that spirit," Bella said, "I want to test something." She walked over and stood right in front of me. "Use your ability on me."

"What?" I asked, a bit stunned.

"I'm a shield, so your power may not work. And considering you and Calder's abilities are so closely related, it might mean that his won't have an effect either if I can block yours," she calmly responded. "No matter what happens, I'll shield everyone, but I's like to know if that work will have some chance of being effective."

I looked at Jasper. He understood how uncomfortable I was with using my gift on people. But instead of telling her no, he nodded, "I think it's a good idea. We need an inkling of whether or not it'll work." He laid his hand on my arm and a wave of calm rushed through my body.

I sighed and turned to Bella. "Okay." I looked her in the eye and ignored the other eight stares.

"Just say something simple like 'leave the room,''' Bella suggested.

I nodded and concentrated, "Leave the room."

The same dullness entered her eyes that entered everyone's eyes when they were under the control of my curse. She began to walk toward the door and I sighed. It didn't work.

"Does this mean it won't work against Calder?" Jacob asked in a quiet voice.

"It it doesn't we still have too many minds for him to control," Emmett assured in an excited tone. "Now, who wants to get some combat training in?"

"You should all go," Carlisle stated and everyone, minus Carlisle; Jasper; and I, left the room. Carlisle turned his attention to me, "how are you feeling?"

"Fine. Alive… Human," I answered.

"Good," he nodded before joining the others.

I turned to Jasper, "are you going to join them?"

He shook his head, "I've had too much training in my lifetime, and I will never be able to forget."

I sat down next to him, "Are you referring to the Confederate Army or when you first became a vampire?"

"Both, but those are stories for another time." There was a darkness in his eyes that I didn't quite like or understand.

"You don't like the memories?"

"I'm not proud of my first years as a vampire," he stated softly.

"I would like to hear about them at some point though."

"Another time," he repeated while pulling me into his arms. "For now, you should just relax. What you are going to do tomorrow will be very trying. But I'll be as close by as possible."

I yawned as I leaned against his chest. I was suddenly tired and completely at ease.

Jasper laughed, "How can you already be tired?"

"Hey," I said as I stretched my arms, wrapping them around his neck, "we humans tire extremely easily."

**-Jasper-**

I laughed again. I couldn't help it. Although tomorrow is going to be hell, I feel only happiness now. I haven't felt this at ease for a very long time.

I also reveled in the fact that were so close now. It was just a few months ago that she wouldn't come near me, and now she was leaning into my chest as content as can be. I love the feeling of the warmth of her body, and she seemed unfazed by the cold of mine.

"You two seem closer than usual today," Renesmee commented as she walked back into the room. "Did something happen?" She was all smiles.

I ignored her, "Lucille, didn't you promise your mom you'd be home before she left for work?"

She shot up, "Oh yeah, I did. And she leaves for work in (she looked at the clock hanging on the wall) one hour. We should go."

"Can I go too?" Renesmee inquired. "I train with Jacob all the time so I don't need to stay here."

"I don't see why not," Lucille replied. I could sense curiosity from both girls. Lucille was curious as to why Renesmee wanted to come and Renesmee's curiosity was why she wanted to go. But why what was she curious about?

"Awesome, let's go," Renesmee smiled and headed for the garage. Lucille and I shared a similar look of confusion before following her.

The drive to Lucille's house was short, but odd. I wasn't used to Renesmee's chatter in my car.

"Mom, I'm home," Lucille announced as we entered the house, "with two stray Cullens in tow."

Her mom came out from the kitchen, "Good, I made lunch, sandwiches galore."

"Yay!" Renesmee bounded into the kitchen. Lucille laughed and followed at a less enthusiastic pace. I followed them slowly into the room which I haven't had a use for in three centuries.

The rest of the evening passed without event. Lucille's mother left for work and Renesmee talked for a while and later left. But I did notice that as the night went on Lucille grew more and more anxious. By the time she laid down to sleep it was full blown fear. I laid beside her and pulled her against my chest.

"You know," I whispered, "everything will be alright."

She sighed, relaxing into my embrace, "I know, but… I'm afraid to face her."

I thought about it for a moment, "Then I'll be right behind you, or at least as close behind you as I can be without Delilah noticing. I'll keep you calm, and safe." She nodded, yawning, and twisted until she was more comfortable. She relaxed more, her breathing becoming shallow and rhythmic. Then I whispered, maybe to my sleeping Lucille, maybe to the air, "I'll always keep you safe."

**-Lucille-**

I awoke with the words 'I'll always keep you safe' echoing in my head. I know I had dreamt the words, but hey sounded real, like Jasper had really spoken them. But I had to push the pleasant thoughts from my mind. Today I had to think about unpleasant, horrible things.

I sat up in my bed, noticing instantly his absence from my side. Jasper was sitting in his chair talking on his phone with someone. I guessed Carlisle considering the conversation.

"Yes," he spoke, "we'll meet you there." He looked at me and smiled as he put his phone into his pocket. I half-smiled back, then stood and stretched. He stood as well. "Go get dressed," he said, "I'll meet you outside. Today your mother doesn't know I'm here." He went to the window, opened it, and stepped out onto the small balcony. He looked back at me once more before jumping down and leaving to hide in the woods.

I dressed quickly, while constantly checking the clock. In Alice's vision, the sun had been at its highest point in the sky, which meant Delilah was going to be here at noon. It was around 10:50 when I woke up. It was around 11:15 when I headed downstairs. I yelled to my mom, "Going for a walk in the woods, be back later!"

"Be careful. And don't get lost!" she yelled back as I left the house.

I walked to the forest at a calm, normal pace, but my heart was already beating faster than it should. It was different than the nervous, embarrassed flutter of my heartbeat when I was with Jasper. This beat felt like my heart was trying to escape from my ribcage and run from the impending danger. I kept walking though; I will not give into the fear. Delilah will not win. She can't. For dad, for Alice, I will stand up to her and help the Cullens defeat her.

Jasper came out from behind a tree and took my hand. Concern was etched on his face. I smiled at him reassuringly, "I'll be fine. I have to do this."

Jasper sighed, "I wish I could be more of a help."

I squeezed his hand, "You're more of a help than you think. I'd be too scared to confront her; I wouldn't be able to handle today at all, if it wasn't for you."

He steeped in front of me and pulled my hand to his lips, "Then it is my pleasure to help you." We smiled at each other for a moment before heading further into the woods.

It wasn't long until we were met by the other Cullens. Carlisle checked on me real quick before he and the other left to get ready for the arrival of Delilah and Calder.

The sun was high in the sky. She would be here soon. I was trembling slightly at this point. Jasper wrapped his arms around me, "remember, I'll be right here." He, and his embrace, were gone all too fast as he disappeared around the trees behind me. But I could feel him near and I could feel him calming me, the feeling of confidence surrounding me.

I wasn't even a minute before I heard, "There you are Lucille." Delilah emerged from the trees and took a few steps toward me. But she stopped once she was near enough to see my green eyes and normal features. She stared for a minute and then glared, a low growl escaping from somewhere in her throat. She just realized that her plan had been foiled.

"You're not a vampire?" Delilah uttered sinisterly. "I see Jasper was willing to risk your life sucking the venom out."

"He knew that I wouldn't want to be a vampire at this time," I replied coolly.

"At this time, hmm? Why not get it over with?"

"Not by you," I growled in a voice that mimicked Alice's own voice before her death.

Delilah's eyes grew slightly wide, but she recovered quickly. "And what now? Your little family is going to kill me?"

"Yes. And Calder. But before that, I wanted to ask you something." Delilah's eyes turned into slits, but she didn't move or say a word. "Why?" I questioned. It was a single word that held so many questions.

"Why what?" she hissed.

"Why turn me?"

"I told you, I want a family like the Cullen Clan has."

"If you respect family, then why kill Alice?"

Delilah smirked, "So your little gent told you?"

"No, I know her personally, but you didn't answer my question."

She glared, "Personally?"

"My question first."

Her smirk returned, "Revenge of course, or didn't they tell you? They murdered my brother."

"Brother?"

"James." She waited for some sign of recognition from me, but received none. "I guess they didn't tell you then."

I was slightly shocked by her acquisition, but I knew they wouldn't kill without reason, plus I had already heard most of this before, so I kept my unfazed attention on Delilah. "So what then, you picked Alice at random?"

"No, not at random," Delilah answered. She snapped her attention to further into the woods seconds before a low scream of pain echoed through the trees. "Calder!" She snapped back to me, "I don't have time for this. If you won't join me, then you're dead!"

She leapt, hands extended, right for me. I stood my ground, thankful for the relaxed confidence that swelled in the air around me. I waited for the millisecond I knew would come, the exact moment when our eyes would meet. When they did, I yelled, "Stop! And don't move."

Her body suddenly stopped moving and she fell to the ground unable to move. She growled, "Even if I'm trapped here, I don't see your new family anywhere."

"That's because you weren't looking hard enough," Emmett snarled as he stalked into view, followed by a large, russet wolf and the rest of the Cullens. "We finished with Calder and thought we should join the party over here. Looks like we're just in time."

As Emmett leapt for Delilah, I felt myself be twisted around. Jasper held me tight against him for only a short moment before picking me up and leaving the scene.

**-Jasper-**

I took Lucille back to her house, as it was closer than mine was. I only stopped running when we arrived in her room. I placed her feet on the ground, but I didn't let go.

When I had tried to keep her calm and unafraid in the forest I had had to fight back the ear she had been experiencing from being so closer to the murderess. She was quivering in my arms now that I let go of her emotions. My pain mimicked hers, it was excruciating. I could tell that she was reliving the past in her mind.

I removed my arms from around her and placed one hand on her shoulder and the other pulled her face up to look into mine. "It's okay now," I whispered, "Delilah is gone. She can't hurt you anymore. She can't hurt anyone anymore."

Lucille nodded slightly, "I know, this is finally over."

I placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and drew my arms around her again, bringing her close to me. I felt her arms wrap around my waist. The quivering stopped, and she relaxed in my embrace.

She sighed and whispered, "Jasper…?"

It was a strange tone. "Yes?"

"Who's James?"

It was my turn to sigh. "A vampire. He tried to eat both Alice and Bella when they were still human. Alice was turned by a vampire she had befriended and Bella was with Edward when James attacked. We… We killed him when he came after Bella. I didn't realize that he was Delilah's brother though."

It made sense now, why Delilah had targeted our family. She wanted revenge for her brother who we killed. But why did she go after Alice specifically? Because James had hunted her when she was a human? Most likely.

"Why Alice?" Lucille voiced the same concerns.

"Perhaps because James hunted her and she got away."

"But so did Bella."

I paused. "Well, Victoria, Laurent, and the Volturi all tried to kill Bella, and all of them are dead now. Maybe she figured she'd be doomed if she attacked Bella."

"Your family killed them all?" she whispered. I don't think the question was meant to be asked out loud.

"They tried to hurt our family. You don't mess with a human Cullen."

"A human Cullen?" She asked with a smirk.

I stiffened, "Yeah, you're part of the family. Well, they think of you as family."

She smiled, "Good. I'd like that." After the words left her lips blush bloomed across her face. She escaped my grasp and turned away.

I let her walk a few steps away before I followed. I placidly pulled her back against my chest and kissed the top of her head.

That was the first time the thought, _I love you, Lucille_, crossed my mind.

**-End Chapter-**

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